I am headed back home

Well the time has flown by and later today my mom and I are going back home (for me) to Pamplona Spain. After all of this time I will get to be reunited with Jenny and Eliana Valentina. I have missed them a ton. However, as much as I was reluctant to come back home to Texas, I am so grateful to Jenny for forcing me to do it. I am also grateful to my parents for hosting me and transporting me to the gym and back six days a week.

Now that I have the pons (Portable neuromodulation stimulator device)  for balance and stability recovery,I am extremely hopeful that I will be able to regain full mobility. I have made huge progress here in Texas, even without the pons device, that I am sure that I never would have been able to make had I stayed in Pamplona Spain.

I have gotten to eat all the wonderful food that I have missed. I have been spoiled by my mother and grandmother's home cooking. I have managed to get to visit almost all of my family, extended family and friends at least once. I have truly had a great time here, even though the purpose of my being here was to focus on my physical recovery and not just a vacation.

I have gotten to see and do nearly everything that I wanted. I unexpectedly became closer to God and I feel much better physically and mentally. I really can't complain about much and I can't ask for too much more. Now it is time to return to my regular life. Hopefully, I will continue inching way back to normal life. The closer that I get to normal life the easier it will be for Jenny and Eliana Valentina (and everyone else who supports me). Thank you all for your unending love and support. 

Til next time, Tyler 

Your Mind is a Powerful Thing

Originally, I had planned just to make a short Facebook post about this. However, I decided that I had much more to say so I am gracing y'all with an official blog post.

This might be a foreign concept for those of you who are not affected by a TBI (traumatic brain injury) but my brain doesn't always connect correctly with my body. Sometimes, my brain will send a command to my body to do a certain movement. My body will either ignore the command totally, react really slowly or do something that I don't want. It is very frustrating. It doesn't happen all day, every day but, it is still fairly frequent.

Due to my tbi (traumatic brain injury) from the vp shunt failure, I have brain damage. Specifically, to my fourth ventricle (that is the ventricle in your brain which controls speech and balance/mobility. Life is not easy. However, I am not here to complain. Things could be much worse for me than they are. I am grateful for what I can still do. There are so many others much worse off than me.

Given the fact that I have brain damage, I can no longer do everything easily and automatically as I could in the past. Going through all of this has made me appreciate the small, daily things in my life that I used to take for granted but now realize that they are little miracles.

Your brain is incredibly powerful and that fact should not be taken for granted. Because of my tbi (traumatic brain injury) I have to do things repetitively that I could do previously on the first try. I have to have patience with my brain and body. I no longer have the luxury of giving up right away. However, going through all of this has taught me that nothing that I want to do realistically, is impossible. (I won't be climbing any mountains anytime soon). Hard, yes. Impossible, no.

For my entire life, even prior to my tbi (traumatic brain injury) I would give up the minute things got hard. I would say that it was impossible and I would not continue to try. Since I have come back to Texas, in January of this year, I have managed to acquire some patience, perseverance, fortitude, resilience, dedication and determination. I assumed that it was something that you had or didn't have. However, after 41 years of being alive, I have managed to change my old patterns of behavior.

I have learned throughout this journey that while my brain doesn't function like it once did (neither does my body). I can manually activate neural pathways, which used to activate easily and automatically. For example, this doesn't work 100% of the time, every time. However, I can mentally imagine a set distance for myself to go on the elliptical machine. I do this before I ever set foot on the machine. I can then generally meet or exceed the distance which I thought of mentally. It is as if I can will a result into existence simply by imagining it. Pretty amazing when you think about it.

In addition to previsualizing the outcome that I want, I can also force my body to cooperate with my brain. Again, this doesn't always work for me, for an unlimited amount of time. However, generally speaking, for years since all of this started for me, I would just accept whatever performance that my body was willing to give me. I would just say to myself, well I guess that is the best that I can do. That is, until I came back home to Texas in January of this year.

I made a conscious decision to stop letting my body only give me the bare minimum and just accepting it. I started commanding my body like I was a drill instructor in the Army. It sounds crazy but it really does work. I don't beg, plead, ask or only hope that my body will do what my brain commands. I tell my body that it will work for me and do what I want. It feels really good to be back in control of my own recovery. Amazingly, generally speaking, it listens to me. My brain is like a strict parent. My body is like a rebellious teenager, no longer able to do whatever it desires. I have set minimum standards for myself. Whenever my body can't or won't meet them, I no longer give up like I would have in the past. I do a mental reset and keep going. I refuse to let one bad performance affect my whole workout. I have "off" days, where nothing works correctly for me. It is disappointing. However, I don't let my "off days" encourage me to give up. I go to sleep, get back at it the next day and generally speaking, I am back to normal.

I don't tell you all of this to brag. I am no one special. I am just trying to do the things that I have found which actually improve my quality of life. For those of you who have healthy brains, none of this may apply to you. I will tell you what absolutely does apply to you though. Having patience, perseverance, fortitude, resilience, dedication and determination. If you don't think you have any, don't lose heart. If I failed at doing a balance exercise, 29 days in a row (trust me when I tell you that waking up every day and knowing that I would fail was not easy). However, I didn't give up even though I wanted to. On day number thirty, I finally did it successfully after 29 days in a row of constant failure.

I was in a negative feedback loop for a long time. This was due to a combination of having gone through a period of clinical depression and naturally having lower levels of dopamine in my brain due to my brain recovering from this tbi (traumatic brain injury). Dopamine is the chemical which gives you drive, motivation, reward, happiness and the desire to continue. I was able to break out of my negative feedback loop, of always thinking that I would never get any better, never trying because I never saw any improvement, and never seeing any improvement because I never tried. 

I was able to break free from my negative feedback loop through a combination of daily physical exercise and taking the last minute of my daily shower, ice cold. Both of these strategies helped me to raise my dopamine levels naturally. I would love to blame my lack of dopamine completely. It would help me excuse my lack of motivation and progress. While I do believe that it absolutely affected me, it would be a unfair of me to avoid taking any personal responsibility. I also had something to do with my lack of progress. 

The only thing which I can say in my defense, is that you can't change the past, only the future. Better late than never I guess. I can only imagine how frustrating it must have been for my family and friends, most especially Jenny and my parents, to know that I was clearly capable of doing more, yet I didn't push myself. I am forever grateful to them and myself for breaking free of my 41 year old pattern of giving up to easily and quickly. I am so lucky that they never gave up on me even when I gave up on myself. Now that I have identified the problem, I have also found a solution to the problem of lack of motivation. I hope never again to return to my negative feedback loop. 

It would be super easy for me to just give up. I could say that I am in the best possible shape that I will ever be in and I could call it a day. I would then have Jenny, Eliana Valentina, my parents and my in laws (along with everyone else around me) caring for me intensely. That would be the easy way out. However, I would have to live with the fact that I would be unfairly punishing everyone around me. They would have to modify their lives only because I would be accepting mediocrity when I am capable of doing so much more even if it is harder for me. I no longer want to accept mediocrity when I know that I can do better. If not only for myself, I owe it to everyone else around me. I didn't ask for any of this. However, they didn't either. Sometimes, you are dealt lousy cards in the hand of life. No use crying over spilled milk though. You have to play with the cards that you are dealt. 

My biggest regret is that I wallowed in self pity for so long. I wasted my time and the patience of everyone around me. However, as sorry as I am that it took me six years to change my mindset, I am glad that it didn't take me 26 years to realize it. As the old sayings go, you should not cry over spilled milk and you can't change the past, only the future. I will continue working hard to make sure that I never return to the way I was. I recently heard a saying that I really liked. It was, You need to exterminate the ants (automatic negative thoughts) in your mind. 

I am doing all of this hard work for everyone around me who has given me unlimited support. However, I am doing this most especially for Jenny and Eliana Valentina, in addition to myself. Because I know that they won't be able to go back to normal life until I do. They didn't ask for any of this (even though I didn't either). They do not deserve to be prisoners of my health issues. Not when I have the power to improve myself. If they have not given up on me, then I can't be the first one to give up on myself. 

If I can do that, you can do anything you set your mind to. I self limited myself for far to long. Do not make my same mistake. You are in control of your life.

Til next time, Tyler 

The Pons Device - A Hands on Review

I tried to to keep this non technical and as simple as I could. Hopefully I succeeded. I already previously wrote a blog post about the Pons device. However, now that I actually have one, I thought I would give you my review. Pons stands for portable neuromodulation stimulator.

Basically, it is a mouthpiece which I insert into my mouth. The mouthpiece sends electrical impulses through my tongue, with the overall goal of resetting my vestibular system (the system in your body that helps you balance yourself, that is to say, your eyes, inner ears and brain).

I then exercise and do balance exercises for 100 minutes daily, broken up into five twenty minute sessions. This is while using the mouthpiece. I will do the daily exercises, six days a week for fourteen total weeks with the mouthpiece. I will need to commit to doing balance, stability and mobility exercises, daily for six days a week for fourteen weeks without missing any days. This won't be easy but if it can restore my mobility then it will be absolutely worth it. 

In theory, after fourteen weeks of using the mouthpiece, I will have tricked my body and mind into believing that I am using the mouthpiece, when in actuality I am not. Theoretically, I will be able to walk totally unassisted for the first time in six years. I am excited about the possibility of walking again before I turn 42. Eliminating my limited mobility will be eliminating one of my biggest hurdles in returning to normal life. This will be a game changer not only for me, but for everyone else around me.

I am not able to start and stop my treatment. I will have to continue working out vigorously for six days a week for the fourteen weeks in order to give this a chance of working. It was not cheap to buy, and it was not covered by insurance. So, I don't want to waste my parents money. I have one shot at this. It won't be easy. Nothing truly worth it ever is. However, I am hopeful.

I will need to do balance and stability exercises for a total of 100 minutes daily (broken down into five, twenty minute sessions with rest breaks in between). I will need to exercise for six days a week (taking only Sunday off for a rest day). I think that I will continue keeping this workout schedule for the rest of my life, regardless if the pons device works for me or not. However, full disclosure, I usually do a full workout Monday to Friday and I reserve Saturday for my "light" day. I usually only do twenty minutes on the treadmill and 33 minutes on the elliptical machine. 

I have used Google Gemini (Google's AI chatbot) to design an alarm schedule for which will run Monday to Saturday, it will go from 8am to 7pm. It let's me know when to set my phone alarm to go off for my reminder to exercise with the pons device for twenty minutes daily, five times a day. This is meant to give me the best chance of walking unassisted again. I will of course be reviewing my alarm schedule in person with the trainers and technicians who help me to set it up. I will make any changes which they may deem necessary. 

I will be going for in person training and setup of the pons device. I am hopeful that I can learn everything I need to know, before I leave Texas. I want to give myself the best chance of success when I get back home to Pamplona Spain and actually start using it. I know that using this device, exactly as directed, is my best chance at regaining my mobility (which is currently one of my biggest hurdles). The only thing that will prevent me from exercising 100 minutes daily, six days a week, would be if I literally physically cannot. Other than that, I will do the full treatment program for fourteen weeks. 

There is no guarantee that it will actually work. The Pons device manufacturer claims that the pons device is helpful for mild to moderate limited mobility. I would consider my mobility limitations severe. So, I am trying not to get my hopes up and expect miracles. However, if it improves my mobility even by only ten percent, then it will have been worth the money and hard work that I am going to have to do. 

Edit: I wrote all of the text above, prior to actually getting the pons device (Portable neuromodulation stimulator device). Now that I actually have used it, I will give you my review. 

Firstly, I should mention that I found out that I am the first person in the entire state of Texas to get and use a pons device. The company that sold us the unit has made a YouTube video of me using it. So, I am now semi famous. 

Now onto my review. The pons device is supposed to restore your vestibular system, balance, mobility and stability. This is the hope anyway. I am trying not to get my hopes up yet. However, even a ten percent increase in my balance, stability and mobility will be worth it. Using the device is not painful. It feels like drinking Sprite or carbonated water, as it sends electric pulses through my tongue and to my vestibular system. 

As I previously mentioned, you must exercise for 100 minutes daily, six days a week, broken down into twenty minute training sessions. All of this exercise is done using the mouthpiece. You can take Sunday off as a rest day. You must concentrate on relearning the skills that your body uses to balance yourself. Examples would include, but are not limited to: heel to toe exercises, sit to stand drills, stepping over obstacles, shifting your weight correctly, walking backwards, closing your eyes and touching your nose, standing stationary with your feet close together and walking on the treadmill, among other things.

My course of treatment is set to last for 14 weeks, 100 minutes daily, six days a week. You can take breaks between exercise sessions (in fact you are encouraged to). You can also pause in the middle of a training session for up to two minutes (anymore than that and you will need to restart your training session). After fourteen weeks of training with the pons device, you then do the exercises like normal except that you don't have the pons device in your mouth. However, after fourteen weeks of using it, six days a week, you have now tricked your body into believing that you have the mouthpiece in your mouth when in reality, you don't. 

The only negative side effects that I have noticed so far are: You cannot talk with the mouthpiece in your mouth and holding the mouthpiece in your mouth for an extended period of time, does make your jaw tired. Additionally, holding the mouthpiece in your mouth does create a lot of saliva. My tongue also continues to vibrate for a while after using the device. However, all of these things are minor and very bearable. It will absolutely be worth the time,effort and expense if this restores my ability to walk normally again. 

This is going to be a demanding fourteen weeks. However, I am aware that this might be my only chance to get this right and hopefully restore my mobility. If this actually works as they are claiming, it will be pretty miraculous to not have limited mobility after six long, hard years. Limited mobility is currently one of my biggest hurdles in my quest to return to normal life. If I can beat this, it will make life so much easier for me and everyone else around me. 

Til next time, Tyler 

My Self Congratulatory Blog Post

Strap in for another long one. I recently read a book about how to eat better, clean up your diet and improve your brain health by doing so. In the book, the author fell from a tower in 2011. He was 27 years old at the time. He hit his head and he went into a coma. He was given less than a ten percent chance of ever even waking up again.

However, he did wake up. He ended up with many of the tbi (traumatic brain injury) symptoms that I have. Though his were much more severe. He ended up putting himself on a very restrictive (and in my opinion) unenjoyable diet. He eats no meat (other than fish), no milk or dairy products, no, wheat, no gluten, no trans fat and he tries to avoid all artificial sugar, additives, hormones or chemicals. He buys only organic food. He eats nothing ultra processed and tries to limit his sodium and cholesterol intake.

He claims to have cleared up his brain fog and restored his full cognitive abilities. I am fully onboard with limiting my artificial sugars, additives, hormones and ultra processed foods. Additionally, I want to limit my sodium and cholesterol intake. I am just trying to be generally healthier with my diet and exercise routine, not do anything extreme in order to try and live forever. 

However, I know that I will never be able to eliminate milk, wheat, dairy and gluten from my diet totally. Life for me would be totally unenjoyable if I was to force myself to such a restrictive diet. Even if it was helpful to my cognitive abilities. I prefer to struggle along as I am, trying to be generally healthy but not go overboard with such a restrictive diet. Because I don't see the value of extending your life if you don't truly enjoy it. However, I am glad that his methods have worked well for him and that he has been able to spread his message through his book. 

Now on to the reason why I was inspired to write this blog post. The author of the book, gave thanks to himself for his recovery. Some people may consider that selfish, I however do not. I was motivated to do the same thing.

It has been a long, slow, hard recovery for me. I am six years into this journey now. However, I am still far from being fully recovered. I am slowly but surely getting back to normal life though. I have survived 12 brain surgeries and one failed eye surgery to correct my twisted left pupil. I have been dealing with limited mobility, stability, balance issues and speech issues at the same time. I have said this before but I would not wish this on my worst enemy. However, I am grateful for the privilege of being alive and generally being able to do what I want. I am not paralyzed thank God, bedridden or in a coma. I have an amazing support system of family and friends who are always with me. 

I have gotten down to skin and bones, back when I was on the pureed food diet. I ended up losing a huge amount of weight. I have been hospitalized for over 9 months (cumulatively). I have spent so much boring time immobilized in a hospital bed, patiently waiting for my body to recover. For the longest time, I just let my body recover slowly and naturally. It always managed to do it luckily. 

For better or worse, I did not push myself at all until recently. As the old saying goes, you cannot change the past, only the future. I most likely could have done things differently, better and more efficiently. However, that is neither here nor there. I have had to relearn how to walk, talk and do basic things in life that you learn as a toddler. However, you have to play with the cards that you are dealt in the hard of life. Sometimes, you are dealt a lousy hand.

No amount of self pity will change that fact though. I went through a period of clinical depression. Luckily, with the help of my family, friends, my general doctor and an antidepressant, I made it through to the other side. I have mentioned this before but when I was depressed, I lost all of my motivation. I only opened my eyes because it was an automatic reflex from my body. Nothing made me feel emotional in any way. While luckily I never considered ending my own life (mostly because it would take me more effort than I was willing to expend to do so). I got to the point where I didn't care if I lived or I died.

Even when I was taken off of my antidepressant and I was no longer clinically depressed, I still was not really motivated to improve. Because I was not motivated to improve, I saw no improvement. Because I saw no improvement, I was not motivated to do anything. I was convinced that my recovery window was closed and that I would never get any better. It was a big, negative vicious cycle that I was caught in.

One of the reasons why I was so unmotivated (though not the sole reason) was I naturally had lower levels of dopamine in my brain. Dopamine is the chemical in your brain that gives you motivation, reward, drive and happiness. I had lower levels of dopamine in my brain due to going through my depression and my brain naturally produced less dopamine when I was in the midst of my recovery (even though I am still recovering).

I have always hated exercising. For 41 years of my life, I would treat it an obligation that I would force myself to do. I would be initially very motivated. However, by a couple of weeks or months into it, I would lose my desire and quit. I would start off by missing one day of exercise. Then, one day would become two days and I would become discouraged and just give up. For the first time in my entire life, I feel like this time things are going to be different though. 

Both my parents and Jenny are extremely skeptical about me changing a 41 year pattern of behavior. Rightfully so. I don't blame them at all. Right now, here in Texas, my parents make it easy on me. They don't do any of the actual exercises for me, but they do drive me to and from the gym, six days a week. Initially, until I started seeing real progress, they had to force me to do my daily exercise routine. Luckily, they didn't give up on my progress as quickly as I was ready to. Had I stuck to my usual pattern, I would have given up long before I saw any real progress. I have come to learn throughout this health journey that I must have patience and be persistent with my mind and my body. 

I was trying to do a balance exercise where you stand up straight unassisted. You then put your feet very close together. At that point, you then close your eyes and touch your nose with one finger. It is not easy to do. I tried to do it daily for 29 days in a row. Every day I would try and every day I would fail. It was extremely difficult mentally, to not give up on it because I would know with certainy that I would fail. I began to think, what is the point? However, for the first time in my entire life, I was able to stick with it. After 29 days of failing every day, then I was able to do it successfully. My persistence paid off. My mind and body learned how to work together on something after 29 days of repetition. Had I fallen into my usual pattern of behavior, I would have given up long before I could do it successfully. I am proud of myself that I did not. Anything that I want to do physically, that is realistic (not like climbing Mount Everest) I can do, with a mixture of time, patience and perseverance. 

Both Jenny and my parents are rightfully skeptical about my ability to self motivate and maintain my exercise routine once I get back home to Pamplona Spain. After all, I am trying to change a 41 year old pattern of behavior. However, this time I am confident that I will be able to do it. Because I know that I have one shot at this and if I fall into the trap of my old behavior, then not only will I be disappointing myself but I will have lost the trust that both Jenny and my parents are bestowing in me. If I fail they won't ever be able to trust that I will follow through with any long term commitments anymore. I realize how high the stakes are here. I can't fail, I won't fail. This will be extremely difficult for me not only because I am trying to change a 41 year old pattern of behavior but because I know that this won't be a commitment to exercising for a few weeks or months. It's a commitment for the rest of my natural life. I will do it though. Even though it won't be easy and I can't afford to fail. Because nothing truly worth it is ever easy. It will be hard, but not impossible. I have learned that there is a big difference between the two. 

I recently watched a video on YouTube presented by a German doctor (it was in English). She went on to explain that most people treat exercise as an obligation that you must force yourself to do. They end up getting lazy and giving up after a few weeks or months. That is something that I am extremely familiar with. 

However, she went on to say that we should stop treating exercise as an obligation and something that we hate. We should be thinking about it as preventive maintenance and controlled stress on our bodies, through the increase in your breathing, blood pressure and heart rate (among other things). It will protect us against dementia and keep us generally healthier for longer. I really liked her explanation. I am going to work on changing my mindset towards exercising. 

Daily vigerous exercise also releases a chemical in the brain (in addition to dopamine) which the scientific community has nicknamed fertilizer for your brain. You don't have this chemical released until or unless you break a sweat and get your heart rate up. So, gentle stretching, while it may be good for your flexibility, it will not release this chemical. 

When this chemical gets released, it helps release dopamine, it reduces your stress levels, improves your cardiovascular systems and the best news for me personally, it helps repair and reconnect damaged neural networks between your brain and your body. This is all great news for me and yet another reason why unlike most of you, physical exercise isn't optional for me but it is something that I must continue to do throughout the remainder of my (hopefully) long life that I have left. 

I wanted to quickly mention what happens to me when I don't exercise vigorously for a few days in a row. I feel sluggish, like my brain is not connecting with my body. It will issue commands to my body which then get totally ignored, acted on too slowly or acted on in the wrong way. This is extremely frustrating for me. As much as I dislike all of this exercise, it is worth it to do it for the general health benefits and to keep my brain healthy and connected to my body. 

It was not until I came back home to Texas in January of this year that I was able to break out of my cycle of negativity and increase my dopamine naturally through exercise and taking a daily shower with an ice cold blast of water for the last minute. At first, I didn't see any improvement so I just assumed that this trip and all of the exercises I was being forced to do (at first my parents had to force me to exercise). Were a waste of time and money. However, luckily I was proven to be very wrong.

After six years of inactivity my brain slowly began to wake up. It was successfully communicating with my body (although not 100 % of the time). I remember the first time it happened to me that my brain successfully communicated with my body, I cried like a baby. I had assumed that it would never work again but it did. Prior to all of this repetitive exercise (and still occasionally) my brain would issue a command to my body and my body would either ignore it completely, respond very slowly or respond in the wrong way. It is very frustrating.

I have been through six years of physical, occupational and speech therapy. My goal has been to relearn the basic skills like walking and talking normally again. Basic life skills that I did easily and automatically prior to all of this. I have learned that walking and talking normally, easily and au are miracles and they should be treated as such. I no longer take them for granted. 

Once I connected the dots between my daily exercise, cold blast in the shower and increased dopamine, I started to actually not dread working out or treating it as an obligation. I still don't enjoy exercising. However, I have come to the realization that for me (unlike most of you) exercise is not optional for me. I must do it, not only for my general health and to protect against dementia but to keep my brain active and connecting with my body. This won't be just a temporary commitment for me, but something that I will have to continue for the rest of my life. Although, I currently exercise six days a week, taking only Sunday off as a rest day. In the future, I may be able to work out intensely only Monday to Friday. However, I won't taper off until I am confident that my brain won't go dormant again.

Finally, I want to take this opportunity to sincerely apologize to everyone who loves and supports me. Most especially, my wife, daughter and my parents and all of Jenny's family as well. My lack of dopamine absolutely contributed to my stagnation as I previously mentioned. However, I can't blame my lack of progress, 100% on my lack of dopamine. I need to take some of the blame. For that, I am truly sorry. However, I am grateful that I recognized the problem, found a solution (doing my exercise). I will continue working hard to make sure that it never happens ever again. 

I also want to take this opportunity to single out Jenny's family for praise. I am not related to them by blood, but they have accepted me and treat me like their own son. I am so very grateful for my two sisters in laws, my in-laws and my brother in law. I can't forget about Ana's boyfriend Fran either. All of these health issues have not affected only me. They have also affected everyone around me. I am so very lucky to have their unwavering support and help. They do things like ferry me to and from the doctor. They also take care of Eliana Valentina. My in-laws never complain. They are always willing to be an extra pair of hands, at the drop of a hat. Prior to us moving to Pamplona, I was initially hesitant to move so close to them. However, looking back on it six years later, I am so very grateful for the help always. I am truly extremely fortunate to have Jenny's family to support me when my own family is so far away. 

I have previously written a separate blog post all about the pons (Portable neuromodulation stimulator device) for balance, mobility and stability recovery. Please read that if you want more details. However, I now have the device in my possession. I just need to go get it programmed and let me receive the in person training on using it. I am trying not to get my hopes up but if it works out for me it will be pretty miraculous to be able to walk again totally unassisted after having limited mobility for six years. Fingers crossed for me. However, even if it only improves my mobility by ten percent, then it will have been worth the time, money and effort. 

So, long story short, thank you to myself. I am a strong person both physically and mentally (even though my wife Jenny is the strongest person whom I know) putting up with all of my health issues and raising our daughter basically alone when I was too sick to do anything. I am forever grateful for her never ending love and support. She has never given up on me, even when I gave up on myself. 

Now that I am finally stable health wise, I can no longer continue to rely on Jenny to be both mom and dad. It is hard for me with my limited mobility to actively participate in my daughter's life. However, hard does not mean impossible. Both Jenny and Eliana Valentina deserve my best efforts to step up and reclaim my rightful position as a husband and a father. The closer that I can get to returning to normal life, the easier it will be on both of them (and everyone else who supports me). I am realizing all of this now. Six years after all of this started for me. As the old saying goes, it's better late than never. I have made some mistakes in the past. I wasted a lot of my time, effort, my wife's patience and my parents money. However, I am actively trying to make sure that the future is different from my past. 

Everyone around me all deserve my best efforts. If no one else around me has given up on me, I can't be the one who gives up first. Everyone around me who loves and supports me deserves a special shout out too. This has been a long, hard, slow journey that has affected not only me but everyone around me. Most especially my parents, my wife and daughter Eliana Valentina, all of Jenny's family and my extended family and friends. I couldn't possibly do this without their never ending support. Thank you for letting me say everything that I wanted to say. 

Til next time, Tyler 

August Update

I wanted to give you my August update. Nothing amazing has happened to me since Jenny and Eliana Valentina went back home to Pamplona Spain. Nothing bad has happened to me either. I am working hard on exercising to solidify my gains before I head back to Pamplona Spain on August 31st.

I am excited about the possibility that the use of the pons device (Portable neuromodulation stimulator device) will help improve my balance, stability and mobility. I have written a separate blog post all about the pons device which I will be posting later. 

I have enjoyed my time at home in Texas with my parents. I have had the opportunity to go see my extended family, my last remaining grandma and my friends. I have made serious progress with my balance, stability and mobility, that I am certain I never would have made had I stayed in Pamplona Spain.

At first, when I got back home to Texas, I didn't see any progress and I thought it would be a waste of time and money. However, Jenny specifically knew that this was the right thing for me before I even knew that it was the best decision for me. I am forever grateful for Jenny knowing what is best for me even when I didn't know that it was the best decision for me.

As I burn through the rest of my time here in Texas, I will continue working hard on exercising, I will be continuing to give my English classes and I will be spending my last days here, visiting my family, extended family and friends. However, I am excited to get back to normal life with Jenny and Eliana Valentina.

If everything goes according to plan, I will be walking unassisted by my 42nd birthday. I am trying not to get my hopes up to high. However, I am hopeful that it will work. I will continue my exercise (regardless if the pons device works for me or not) because physical exercise is the only thing that I have found that keeps my brain active and connected, in addition to being good for my general health.

I have spent 41 years of my life being determined initially, but losing my motivation after a few months. However, for the first time in my life, I am confident that I will stay consistent and committed to my exercise, not just for a few weeks but for the rest of my life. Currently, I am exercising six days a week for between 1.5 to 2 hours each session.

Assuming that the pons device works for me, I will exercise only five days a week and I will take weekends off. While I am actively training my balance and stability with the pons device, I will be working out (doing balance and stability exercises) six days a week for 100 minutes daily (broken down into five twenty minute segments with rest breaks in between). I will be taking only Sunday off as a rest day. If the pons device doesn't work out for me then I will continue working out six days a week (only taking Sunday off as a rest day). This is my plan that I will be sticking to for the remainder of my life.

I can totally understand the skepticism from my family and friends and those who know me well. After all, I am trying to change a 41 year old pattern of behavior, being initially motivated and then quitting after a few months with no one to push me. However, for the first time in my life, I am confident that I will continue exercising for the rest of my life. It will not be easy, but nothing that is worth it ever is.

Til next time, Tyler 

Having a Grateful Spirit

I was on the elliptical machine today and I was letting my mind wander while I was exercising (a big accomplishment for me!). I started thinking about how much I complain about all the exercise that I have to do. I don't enjoy it. However, I am trying to be more grateful for the shape that I am in. Things could have gone much differently. I could have been totally bed ridden or paralyzed or in a coma. I have limited mobility and speech issues but I can still move, be social and get to enjoy life with my family and friends.

My brain and body don't sync together effortlessly anymore. I have to manually force my brain to work together with my body. It is not easy. It does not work out for me all the time, every time. However, I am grateful that it does work for me the majority of the time. I can do the majority of my exercises with little to no assistance and in my daily life I can do 85-90% of my things independently. I cannot drive but there is not much more that I literally can't do myself. Whether I want to do it voluntarily or not is another matter, haha. 

I wish that none of this had ever happened to me. However, as the old saying goes, there is no use in crying over spilled milk. I can't change the fact that it did happen to me. I have to play with the cards that I have been dealt in the hand of life. Besides, I have learned so many valuable life lessons from all of this. Had it never happened, I would never have learned them. 

Four or five years ago, I went to a rehab facility which was run by the Spanish government. I was working on my balance, strength and mobility. I would go there five days a week. I would routinely see a woman while I was there. She was in a coma and not even conscious. She was being kept alive artificially. They would just move her arms and legs to prevent her from getting bedsores. 

I always used her as a barometer for my own health. No matter how bad things were for me, I was always grateful that I was never as bad as her. In my opinion, they should have medically ended her life. After all, what is the point of being alive if you are not even conscious? However, I can imagine her family not wanting to let her go. 

In no particular order, I have a great family, extended family, a beautiful wife and an amazing daughter. Along with great in laws and friends. I am truly lucky to have the support system that I have. I will keep working hard to get as close as possible to normal life sooner rather than later because I know that the closer I get, the easier it will be for everyone around me. I am grateful for every day that I am above ground. I will continue trying hard not to take anything in this life for granted. 

Gratefully yours, Tyler 

Hindsight is 20/20

I was inspired to write this after watching a video by the YouTuber Tom Scott. He made predictions in the year 2012, what the world would be like ten years in the future from that point 2022. He was right about many things and wrong about others.

I started thinking about the common saying, "Hindsight is 20/20." Basically, it means that you cannot predict everything with 100% accuracy but you can look back on the past with clarity once you get to the future.

It made me think about my own life. In 2016, I was 31 years old. I had recently gotten married to Jenny and I was living in Colombia and working as an ESL teacher. This was prior to my vp shunt failure and all of the health issues that would follow that. I was living a relatively normal life. Nothing amazing was happening but nothing terrible either. I could never predict what was going to happen.

All of that being said, I have said this many times before, but it is worth repeating. I am grateful for every day that I am above ground. Life is not easy, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy but I am not paralyzed thank God or in a coma. I still have a lot of life ahead of me. I have amazing family and friends and a lot to look forward to.

I cannot know with any degree of certainty what my future will hold. I can only try my best to take advantage of every day that I am given with my family and friends. Hopefully, things will only continue to improve for me. However, even if they don't, I am grateful for everything that has happened to me both the good and the bad things because I have learned something from each thing that has happened to me.

Til next time, Tyler 

Living with a TBI-My Personal Experience

Strap in, this is going to be a long one. I have mentioned this before and I don't want to rehash it to death but I wanted to give all of you (hopefully) unaffected people a window into life with a tbi (traumatic brain injury). I wanted to distill all of the knowledge that I have learned in my six years of dealing with this into one blog post. This is only my personal experience and everyone has a different experience.

Since all of this started back in 2020, I have slowly but surely been getting back to normal life. I have been through the ringer health wise. I won't rehash all of my various health issues but needless to say, I have gone all the way from near death to pretty bad to ok and now I have moved onto being stable health wise. I am inching closer and closer to normality. I have been truly blessed and lucky throughout it all to have the support of my family and friends (and Jenny's family also). However, prior to coming back home to Texas in January of 2026, I really never pushed myself to get better. I mostly just let my body heal naturally. 

I was not motivated to work hard on getting better because I didn't notice any progress. Because I didn't work hard to get better, I didn't make any progress. It was a big vicious circle. This was partly due to my lack of dopamine (the feel good chemical in your brain that gives you motivation, reward, drive and happiness). I had a lack of dopamine because of going through my depression and my body naturally produced less dopamine while healing from my tbi. 

However, I can't blame my lack of motivation 100% on my lack of dopamine. I need to take some personal responsibility for my lack of progress. Luckily, I was able to naturally restore my level of dopamine through exercise. I was able to find my motivation to continue improving. Both for myself and for everyone around me. Because I know that my wife and daughter will not get to go back to normal life until I do. They have put up with enough. They don't deserve to be prisoners because of my health issues. If they have not given up on me, it would be unfair of me to give up on myself. 

Prior to coming back to Texas, it was like I was sleep walking through life. I was alive but I was not truly living. I woke up every day but nothing really motivated me. Then, once I came back home, with my parents help, I managed to get out of my brain fog/zombie like state and I started exercising daily and forcing my brain to reconnect with my body.

My brain doesn't always reconnect with my body instantly. Everything takes longer and more patience than before. Nothing is easy or automatic anymore. Someone without a tbi can reasonably expect their brain to almost instantly identify a potential problem, then their body will respond almost instantly to avoid the problem.

However, it is different for me. Because I have damaged optical nerves due to the uncontrolled hydrocephalus, I don't see things well anymore. Even when I can see the potential problem, it takes me a while to see the problem and identify a potential solution. Nothing is easy or automatic anymore. 

I have become less reliant on this as time has gone by. However, I still use a lot of mental visualization techniques and mentally pre determining the outcome that I want to achieve. Thereby willing it into existence. In addition to my mental visualization technique, I also have learned that I can physically manually command my body to cooperate with me. It doesn't always work, nor does it work forever. 

However, it absolutely does work for me personally. I have become like a drill instructor in the Army or a strict dad with a rebellious teenager. I don't beg, plead or hope that my body will cooperate with my mind. I simply don't give myself the option of failure. I tell my body that it must do what I want and it generally does it. I can manually activate the specific neural connections that I want for a specific type of movement. I also visualize myself floating on a cloud or that the particular exercise machine that I am using is physically part of my body. 

I have learned to become more patient with my body. I have to repeat things over and over before I can do them successfully. I remember that I was trying to do a balance exercise where you put your feet close together, close your eyes and try to stand still unassisted. This is not an easy exercise. I failed at it consistently, on a daily basis for 29 days in a row. It was very disheartening to wake up and know with near certainty that I would fail. However, unlike previous years, I kept at it even though I kept failing. On the 30th day of trying, my persistence paid off and I was able to successfully do the exercise. 

Let me give you an example, the other day I was walking with my walker to go to the doctor's office. I was going up the ramp, but it was blocked off in one direction. My mom immediately saw and realized that you couldn't get up the ramp in that direction. However, I first had to see that the direction was blocked off (no easy task due to my damaged optical nerves) then I had to recognize that you were unable to continue walking in the blocked off direction. My brain took longer than someone who doesn't have a tbi to recognize the problem and formulate a plan to avoid the problem.

My whole life, I have never dealt well with change, spontaneous things or new, sudden things. I thrive on the familiar, routine, repetitive things. Even if it might seem less efficient and more labor intensive. This part of my personality has only been magnified and increased since I have had all of my brain surgeries. 

Until I was actively working out for about three months, doing the elliptical machine was extremely challenging for me. Coordinating my arms and my legs at the same time was extremely difficult for me. Starting out, I could barely get through a half mile (0.85km) in 33 minutes. I had only brief flashes of "good time" where my mind was connecting with my body. It felt like an impossible task to get 33 minutes of "good time". Eventually, I did achieve a whole 33 minutes of "good time". 

Prior to exercising for about 3 months, I felt like my mind was in a pressure cooker while I was on the elliptical machine. I was not able to do anything other than focus totally and completely on the elliptical machine. However, after about three months of exercise, I was up to the point where I was able to have a short conversation while still exercising. I was also able to let my mind wander. I have had multiple times where I "zone out" and my body goes on autopilot without me being conscious of actually exercising. Yet the machine registers that I am moving. 

Physical exercise for me is not optional. I have become Mr Fitness whether I wanted to or not. I still don't like all of this exercise. However, now that I have to do it in order to keep my brain active and healthy, I am trying to get to the point where I actually enjoy it. Now that I walk for an hour daily five days a week and I work out six days a week for between one to two hours each day, I am trying to treat it like a job and not something I dread or hate. 

I recently watched an interview with a German doctor on YouTube. She was explaining that most people hate exercising and they do it only out of a sense of obligation. I know that I can relate to that. However, she was saying that we should treat exercise as preventive stress and maintenance for our bodies, which we can control. The stress that we put on our bodies by exercise, raising our heart rates, blood pressure, breathing, sweating (among other things) is actually good for our hearts and general health and it protects against dementia. So, I am going to try and improve my mindset when it comes to exercise. I will start trying to actually enjoy it, now that it is not optional for me. Besides, it will keep me healthier for longer. 

I am only 41 years old. In my mind, I feel 41 years old. However, physically sometimes I feel 91 years old. With my limited mobility, everything is harder for me and everything moves slower. However, I am extremely fortunate not to be completely paralyzed or in a coma. Life is hard. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. However, I am grateful for every day that I have and for the things that I can still do. I have amazing family and friends and I still have so much to live for. I have no idea how long that I have left on this earth. But I plan on taking advantage of every day that I have left.

I have previously mentioned the pons device in a separate blog post. We are trying to get one for me to use to hopefully restore my ability to walk unassisted. If you are interested in more details, please read my blog post about it. The last thing that I wanted to mention was meditation. I also wrote a separate blog post about it. 

Basically, it has helped quiet my "noisy brain". If you are interested in reading in more detail about meditation, feel free to check out my separate blog post. I also wanted to mention that I use Google Gemini (Google's artificial intelligence) for many of my random questions. I was looking for ways to naturally increase my dopamine levels without using medication or supplements or anything. It recommended to me to take an ice cold shower to naturally boost your dopamine levels. I knew I couldn't tolerate a full cold shower. However, I decided to try having the last minute of my daily shower, ice cold. I remember dreading it for months. Every shower I would mentally hate the last minute of my daily shower. 

However, I kept doing it. After about three months, the switch in my brain magically flipped and I began to love it. The ice cold blast is so refreshing. It wakes you up, it is good for your skin and it closes tightly the pores on your skin, preventing dirt from entering, not to mention that it leaves the protective coating on your skin rather than washing it away. It also cycles your arteries and blood vessels open and closed thereby helping your cardiovascular system. This is a habit that I plan to make lifelong. 

I am hopeful that I will be walking unassisted by my 42nd birthday with the assistance of the pons device. However, if we are unable to get one for whatever reason, I have been practicing using a traditional walker in addition to my stand up walker with forearm support. I walk laps around the local basketball court with my mom five days a week. To complement the use of both of my walkers, I also use a low mobility three wheeled pedaless balance trike called the alinker. It helps me to get around. My eventual goal (if we can't get the pons device) is to transition to using only a cane or a walking stick. 

I apologize if I was long winded, if you made it this far I appreciate you letting me explain everything that I could think of. I hope I did a decent job. I tried to keep this non technical and non medical. I wanted it to be relatable for everyone, even those of you who have never had a tbi. Hopefully, I succeeded. 

Til next time, Tyler 

Meditation

For the vast majority of my life I considered meditation a hippie, new age Eastern philosophy. I never really gave it a shot, pre judging it as useless to me. However, since being affected by this TBI (traumatic brain injury) and reading about meditation's ability to quiet the overstimulated "noisy brain", I decided to give it a shot.

I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that it immediately quieted me overstimulated, noisy brain. Prior to taking up meditation, the only thing that would quiet my overstimulated brain was being asleep. 

I sit outside daily (or try to at least) when it is not to hot, for twenty minutes. Originally, I started doing it to try and repair my damaged optical nerves through sunlight therapy and fresh air. However, I began to notice that it was not helping my eyes (although I am sure that it is not hurting them) but that it was helping to quiet my noisy, overstimulated brain.

The feeling that I used to get (luckily it has decreased a lot) is like if you go to a party and everyone is talking all at once, it can be overwhelming and difficult to make out individual conversations. I didn't hear audible voices but I did feel that feeling constantly. I plan on doing my meditation when I get back home to Pamplona Spain. It is free and the only cost I incur is to my time. The benefits are worth it to me.

Til next time, Tyler 

Explaining My Point of View

I was inspired to write this because of my unintentional recent controversy on Facebook. I want to try again to explain myself clearly. Very basically, I posted about the Charlie Kirk assassination. I called him racist, a bigot and full of hatred. Full disclosure, I have not listened to a ton of his stuff. So, I am basing my opinion off limited knowledge. I should take my own advice and give him a fair shake. However, my views on him, whether correct or not were meant to be a minor part of my overall point. Yet, they became everyone's focus. Frustratingly, everyone seemed to focus on the wrong thing. 

All of that being said, I went on to make my main point that as terrible as he might (or might not) have been as a fellow human being, he didn't deserve to be murdered in cold blood. The guy that murdered him, put himself in an indefensable position. You can't ever justify murder, regardless of how much you disagree with someone.

Shortly after writing my post, it seemed like everyone had an opinion. People who were defending Charlie Kirk and those against him. Everyone ignored the point that I was trying make about befriending those whom we disagree with. I also don't believe that violence is ever the answer. 

My uncle (mom's younger brother) said that posting online is like having two groups of people screaming at each other and you in the middle, calmly trying to explain something while no one is listening to you. I agree with his assessment. It saddens me that my point was lost in the noise and the only thing that I accomplished was pitting the pro Charlie Kirk group against the anti Charlie Kirk group. I wish we could get back to being able to be friends with people who don't share our exact world view.

Edit: I have had some time to think about what I should have said originally. Here is the improved version of my post : I do not want to debate whether Charlie Kirk was a good person or not. However, he was a father and a fellow human being. Regardless of how you feel about him, he didn't deserve to die. His murder was indefensable and we need to learn how to interact with people whom we don't agree with, not resort to senseless violence. 

Til next time, Tyler 

Seizures

I have mentioned this before but I don't think that I have ever wrote a blog post about it. So, here goes.

When I was three years old I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I am sure that this was unwelcome news to my parents, who were already dealing with my various other health problems. Anyway, I was put on an anti seizure medication called tegretol xr. I remember first taking it in chewable form then switching to the pills that you swallow.

I took it in varying doses, up to 3 times daily (although usually just once daily) until I was 38 years old. By that point, I had been seizure free for twenty years. The last time I had a big seizure where I had to go to the hospital, I was 18. I foolishly stayed awake for a long time playing video games. Not getting enough solid sleep and flashing lights are one of my seizure triggers.

By the age of 38, after being seizure free for twenty years, I worked with my doctor to wean myself off of tegretol xr. Because I had been told that taking tegretol xr for an extended period of time can be damaging to your liver. It took me about a year but I was able to get off the medication totally.

The doctors did a test where they measured my brain activity while they intentionally tried to provoke a seizure. Luckily, they were unable to do so. I will always have the possibility of returning to have seizures. However, as of 2026, I am three years into this journey and I am still seizure free. Hopefully, I will remain so. I thought I was pretty special, being able to get off my medication. However, I did some research and 50-75% of people with epilepsy are able to come off their medications. I hope this was a straight forward explanation.

Til next time, Tyler 

Exercise For Me

Most of you, if not all of you, reading this currently, have the ability to exercise, not because you enjoy it (I am willing to bet most of you don't enjoy it!). However, if you choose not to exercise, you won't make any progress physically or mentally. But for the vast majority of you, not working out will not help you or harm you. The vast majority of you can continu your lives as normal without doing any exercise.

My situation is different. I have learned since I have been back home, that my brain is capable of plasticity. By that, I mean that even though I suffered damage to my fourth ventricle which has resulted in my balance issues and speech issues. I am slowly but surely retraining the undamaged areas of my brain to take over the functions which were previously controlled by the damaged areas.

I must exercise intensively six days a week. I don't know if I will have to continue to work out six days a week for the rest of my life. However, I might. I will keep it up for as long as I can. Not because I enjoy it (I don't) but because it is the only thing I have found that allows me to retrain my brain. When I take multiple days off, I notice when I go back to working out, my brain is sluggish and does not connect properly with my body. Not working out for multiple days, months or years is not an option for me. It will negatively affect my health both physically and mentally. 

I don't enjoy all of this exercise. However, I do enjoy knowing that my brain is reconnecting with my body. I still remember the first time that it happened to me, after six years of inactivity. I cried like a baby because I was convinced that it would never happen again for me.

Doing all of this exercise is not easy or enjoyable for me. Having my brain go dormant again is not something that I ever want to happen again. All the effort is worth it. Besides, it will keep me generally healthier for longer and it will protect me against getting dementia. I hope I have done a decent job of explaining all of this.

Til next time, Tyler 

Lost Connections

I was just thinking today about a former friend of mine. I don't want to identify him in order to protect the privacy of his family, who I am still close to.

Him and I were friends for years. He was not my best friend, but he was a good friend of mine. About fifteen years ago, more or less, recently after he got married, he decided to cut off everyone in his life. I did nothing wrong (that I know of) and I was given no explanation by him.

He stopped talking to all of his family, his friends and everyone who knew him. After all of these years, I don't know if he is still married, has kids or even if he is still alive. I can't imagine a circumstance where I would cut out everyone in my life. Family and friends.

I know his family. They are good people. They may have made some mistakes. However, cutting off contact with them completely (not to mention all of your friends) seems extreme. I can't imagine any circumstance where I would do the same thing. I love my family and friends and I would never want to take away my parents ability to see their only grand daughter.

I wish him well, if he is still alive. I hope he is happy. After all of these years, I don't expect to ever talk to or see him again. That is a shame, because he was a good guy. He is missing out on spending time with his family and friends who love him. However, he made his choice for whatever reason and I won't be able to change his mind. Make sure you hold your loved ones tightly and tell them (and show them) how you feel.

Til next time, Tyler 

Remembering those whom I have lost

I noticed on my Facebook page that yesterday was the seven year anniversary of a former coworker's death. We were never close friends but I did teach with him in Colombia. In 2019, at the young age of 34, he was attending a bachelor party in Scotland (where he was from) and he was involved in a kayaking accident. His kayak overturned and he drowned sadly.

None of us know the exact hour or manner of our death. That is why it is so important to be grateful for every day that you have and take full advantage of them!

I have lost my maternal grandparents, at the relatively young ages of 78 and 82. I have also lost my paternal grandfather, who died in 1972. My grandmother's second husband, died in 2014 at the age of 75. Now, I have only my paternal grandmother left she is 90 years old as of 2026. Sam is not the only person that I know who has died young. My friend Therisa Schmidt died in a car accident at the tender age of only seventeen. A friend of mine from my travel group died in a car crash at only twenty seven years old. 

My ex roommate in Colombia, Mark died alone in his apartment in Africa of a brain aneurysm. I also had 2 friends from my former travel group, whom I knew. They died tragically too young. One of them died of a massive heart attack at the age of 47 and the other of cancer at the age of 56. Both were gone to young. I have also lost a former boss of mine, to cancer at the age of 71. He was a heavy smoker though. That bad habit will catch up with you. 

There are more people who I have lost but I don't want to bore you by detailing each one. The important thing to remember is that this life is fleeting and temporary. Don't take it for granted. Live each day as if it were your last. Be sure to take full advantage of every day that you are above ground. Hold on to your loved ones tightly and don't go to bed angry. Say what you want to say, to who you need to say it to. Don't wait because you may not get another chance. Don't sweat the small stuff.

I have no idea how or when I will die. Hopefully, it will be peaceful painless a long time from now. However, even if I die tomorrow, I will be happy with the life that I have had. I have seen and done things, in my 41 short years on this planet that many people never have the ability to see and do in their entire lives. Despite all of my health challenges, I would not change anything. Everything that has happened to me, I have learned from. I still consider myself one of the luckiest men alive. I am so grateful for everyone who has supported me and given me the opportunity to have a better life than I ever dreamed possible, and much better than the doctors predicted for me as an infant. I am looking forward to seeing what the future holds for me. 

Til next time, Tyler 

July Update

I was trying to give you dear readers a monthly update, however once my wife and daughter Eliana Valentina got here I was too busy to do it. Now that they have returned home to Pamplona Spain, I will give you my update.

I won't rehash all of the time the girls were here. I already have a separate blog entry about their trip if you are interested in reading about it. Needless to say, they both had a great time here. As did I, and my parents.

I have already updated you on my progress both physically,mentally and emotionally. I was too busy when the girls were here to work out as intensely and consistently as I needed. I have noticed some backsliding between my brain/body connection. However, I was not totally inactive for the entire time that the girls were here.

I struggled my first few days back to my normal routine. However, I am back to working out hard and consistently six days a week. So, things are connecting correctly again. I will be here until August 31st. So, I am looking forward to solidifying the gains that I have made. 

My next challenge will be to continue working hard both physically and mentally when I get back home to Pamplona Spain. I will have to rely on myself and my new found sense of motivation, since I won't have anyone else to push me to keep improving. However, I didn't do all of this hard work just to lose it all, due to being lazy. I am doing this for myself but also because I know that the closer I get to normal life the easier it will be for everyone around me. If everyone around me has not given up on me, I can't give up on myself.

Til next time, Tyler 

The Girls Return Home

My wife Jenny and daughter Eliana Valentina returned home to Pamplona Spain. We had a great time seeing them both. My daughter Eliana Valentina had some unique Texas experiences and she got to spend time with both sides of my family and her grandparents enjoyed spoiling her rotten.

Of course, I miss the girls already. I will be here in Texas until the end of August. I will continue working as hard as possible on my physical recovery, trying to get in the best shape possible before I go back. 

I am far more fortunate than I deserve. Life is hard. However, hard doesn't mean impossible. I am grateful for every day that I have above ground. I have amazing family and friends and extended family. I may never get back to normal life again, but the closer I get to normal, the easier it will be on the girls and everyone else around me. I don't want to be a burden, not when I have the capacity to be more independent myself. It will be long, hard lifelong work to keep my brain active. However, hard does not mean impossible. It will be worth all of the effort. 

Til next time, Tyler 

My Eventual Last Day of Life

Because of my multiple brushes with my eventual death, and having come close to dying many times, I think about my mortality more than the average person.

I have already written my will, planned my funeral and even prewritten my obituary. I am also an organ donor and plan to donate my brain and body to science. Due to living in Spain, where burial space is limited, I won't be having a traditional headstone and burial plot. Instead, I will be cremated and on my urn which will contain my ashes, I will have it inscribed "Here lies a man who got all he ever wanted".

It is my hope that doing all of this preplanning for my eventual death will spare my loved ones some added stress (although I know that they will be sad). It was the actor Anthony Hopkins who once said a quote that I really liked. He said "Very few of us humans know the exact hour or manner of our death, however, death is the great equalizer, eventually coming for everyone, regardless of social status, wealth, race, age, gender or anything else that you can measure."

For years now, I have said that I want to live until I am 89 years old. I have never changed my answer because I feel that if I reach 89 years old while still being healthy physically and mentally, that would be enough for me to see and do everything that I want without lingering on too long. However, once I get to 89 years old, I may decide that I haven't seen or done enough yet! 

I am grateful for everything. Despite all of my health challenges, I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy. Life is hard but absolutely worth living. I have learned a life lesson from everything,both the good and the bad. I wouldn't change anything even if I could. I am blessed beyond measure. I am grateful for every day that I have had and hopefully I will have many more. 

Til next time, Tyler 

My Blog of Random Thoughts

I have a lot of random thoughts that I wanted to consolidate into written form. Here goes : I was recently asked by my cousin, how I remain positive in the face of such adversity.

I told her that I am no one special. However, I consciously choose to remain positive despite my challenges. Because it would be easier to fall into a negative feedback loop. However, that would do nothing to help me move forward physically or mentally. So, the only other logical choice for me is to remain positive, focusing on the good things and good people in my life. I choose to celebrate every new day that I have been given. I am far more fortunate than I deserve. 

I have had an amazing life over the past 41 years (and hopefully many more years to come). I certainly have had many highs and lows. I have visited 47 countries and counting. I have lived and worked in seven different countries. My one year abroad has turned into seventeen (as of 2026). I have seen and done more than most people will in their entire lives, in only 41 short years. However, believe it or not, I consider myself very fortunate. I am grateful even for all of the challenges. I wouldn't change anything even if I could. Because I have learned a valuable life lesson throughout it all. 

I will have to keep exercising nearly daily for the rest of my life. It won't be easy. However, I am not doing it for my general health (although that is an extra added benefit). I am doing it to keep my brain from going dormant again. Another added benefit, in addition to general health benefits, it will protect me from mental decline. I still don't enjoy all of this exercise. However, it is a necessity for me. I am thankful that I am in good enough shape to do it. I am also thankful that my brain is responding (however slowly and effortful that is required). 

I have amazing family and friends who love me unconditionally. I am in far better shape than some others, despite all of my challenges. If my family and friends refuse to give up on me, it would be unfair of me to give up on myself before they do. I spent far too long accepting only an average life, refusing to push myself to get better. Well no longer. I may never return fully to normal life. However, for my own sake and for the sake of everyone else around me, I cannot give up and settle for only average or acceptable. I have to strive for greatness, it will be a long, hard road ahead. However, hard does not mean impossible. Well this has been my blog of random thoughts. Thanks for reading. 

Til next time, Tyler 

A Reason for Joy

I wanted to write this specifically to express my joy at being alive. My life is hard with all of my physical and health challenges. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. However, despite all of my challenges, I have so many things to be thankful for and grateful for in my life.

I have an amazing wife and daughter and my parents and brother's also. Not to mention, my extended family and friends. Along with all of Jenny's family as well. I am far, far luckier than I deserve. 

During this trip, I have grown closer to God, after many years of not being close to Him. I have changed my mentality about being stuck with brain damage and being unable to improve. I have been able to restore my motivation and excitement for life. I am laughing again and being social. 

Life prior to this trip was like watching TV on a black and white TV set. It was viewable but not good. Life now is like watching TV on a full HD TV in 1080p with surround sound. It is truly a night and day difference. I am truly living again. I am excited to see every new day and I am not just existing. 

I will likely never return fully to normal. I will have to continue working out for the rest of my life in order to prevent my brain from going dormant again. However, I can do anything that is realistic, that I set my mind to. It will take me double or triple the time and effort that it would take the average person. However, I can do it. 

I was practicing a certain balance exercise. I failed consistently for 29 days in a row. It really beat me up mentally to think that I would fail yet again. However, I didn't give up on it. On day 30, I successfully did the exercise which I had failed to do 29 days in a row.

I only have to have patience with myself and I have to be strict with myself. I don't have the luxury to take many days off in a row, otherwise my brain will go dormant again. I also have to force my body to do what I want. I don't have the luxury of begging or pleading or politely asking my body to cooperate with me. I have to commend it just like a drill sargent. It doesn't work forever and not all the time. However, it does work for me.

I wouldn't change anything that has happened to me because I have learned an important life lesson from every hardship. I am a lucky guy and grateful for every day that I remain above ground. I am not paralyzed thank God or in a coma. I am in much better shape than some other people. 

Til next time, Tyler 

An Update on the Girl's Visit

So I figured I'd better update you dear readers on the Girl's visit. I was lucky enough to have both my wife and daughter Eliana Valentina arrive here in Texas safely (from our home in Pamplona Spain). They arrived in one piece, on the night of June 18th, after a one hour flight from Pamplona to Madrid then another ten hour flight from Madrid to Dallas.

Since their arrival, we have swam in the lake, drove the golf cart, seen Nana and other relatives once (we will be seeing them again). We have also seen a live play in the local theatre, which was more geared towards adults. Eliana Valentina did not enjoy it much. In addition, we have seen a live performance of The Lion King, which she loved. 

We have also taken her to the local rodeo which she again loved. Mostly because she got to chase after the calf with a ribbon tied on its tail. She was so excited that she ran out with the kids who were six to twelve years old rather than her assigned group of five years old and under. She ended up getting separated from my mom and Jenny. However, she is so smart, she immediately went to a police officer and explained to him that she was lost. He helpfully pointed out to her how to make it back to me safely which she did thank God. However, he didn't even bother to personally escort her!

Additionally, I have a friend who has a working farm in Kaufman, Texas. I have not seen her in person since 1999. It will be good to catch up with her after all of these years. I am only trying to decide how to sum up half of my life into one afternoon chat. 

We are planning on taking her to see Toy Story 5 and The Minions Movie. Additionally, we will be celebrating the 4th of July here in Saint Jo Texas. We will be visiting my mom's younger brother Richard and his family in Athens, Texas. We will also be seeing Nana and everyone else again in Sulphur Springs. I am sure that there are other plans which I am forgetting. 

We have come to the conclusion that my daughter Eliana Valentina is having a great time so far but she is not a big fan of eating a snow cone. I don't know who is having more fun, her or my parents. 

Til next time, Tyler