Translate (Traductor)

Saturday, October 26, 2024

Something that I want to remember

I am putting this here for posterity sake. Just so I don't forget it. 

I found out this morning that my ex roommate from Canada passed away. He was only 49. I certainly hope that Eliana outlives me. No parent should outlive their kids. 

I feel bad that he died alone. Far away from family and friends. He moved to Africa after leaving Colombia. His family is located in Canada. 

He died without a wife or child unfortunately. Sadly, he will not have a long lasting legacy. I am a lucky guy who gets to hopefully avoid that fate. 

None of us know how long we have on this earth. So be sure to hold on to your loved ones tightly and take advantage of every day that you are given.

Til next time, Tyler 

Wednesday, October 09, 2024

My Mental Health

I have said this before, but I would repeat this a million times over if I knew it would help someone.

Two years ago, I went through a very dark and depressing period in my life.

I was really struggling health wise and doing much worse than I am now.

I was completely numb emotionally. Nothing made me happy, sad, angry, frustrated or annoyed.

The only reason why I even opened my eyes every day was because it was an automatic reflex from my body. I was not motivated to do anything. I wasn't living for anyone or anything. 

Then they put me on an antidepressant (which I am no longer taking)

It gave me back normal human emotions and I am very thankful for modern medicine.

I do not agree with the decision to commit suicide. You are selfishly ending your own pain but starting a ton of pain for the friends and family that you leave behind.

I do not agree with someone's decision to commit suicide but after going through my own depression I do understand it. Some people just want to end the numbness. 

I was very lucky to come out the other side, I was able to return to my normal life with those people who love me and whom I love.

If any of you reading this, ever find yourself in a dark place mentally, you can feel free to reach out to me and just know that you are not alone and things will get better.

I love each and every one of you. I hope to have many more happy years left and I hope to get back to normal life sooner or later. I have a beautiful wife and daughter to live for. I have amazing friends and family. 

However, even if I don't have much time left here on earth, I truly am one of the luckiest men alive despite my health issues. I would take away all of my health issues if I could, but since I can't, I wouldn't change a thing. 

Til next time, Tyler

Sunday, October 06, 2024

Something that I need to repeat


I already posted this entry so some of the information may be duplicated but some may be new. 

I combined it all into one entry. My apologies for the confusion. 

I took this from my Facebook page but I thought I would put it here for posterity.

I have said this before, but it bears repeating. I would not wish my medical conditions on my worst enemy. But as hard as things are sometimes, I truly am very lucky. I don't have a degenerative condition and if I continue to work hard it will only get better.

I need to get better not only for myself but for my wife and daughter. I am not a vegetable, I still have a lot of life ahead of me even if I can't do everything exactly as before.

I am grateful for every day that I am given and I am so thankful to my amazing family and friends. I will continue to work hard until I get back to normal.

Having both my speech and my mobility affected has not been easy. However, it could be worse and it has forced me not to take anything for granted. 

My daily progress is slow and small but when I think about where I was two years ago, I have come a long way. The daily grind doesn't bother me because anything is better than being stuck in the hospital. Just being able to live life is a miracle. 

This will be long but please bear with me. I have said this before, but  I will say it again. 

I have been through a lot during the past four years.

I have had 12 brain surgeries, bringing my total surgery count to 29.

I have been through pain that felt unbearable. I have been on a diet of totally pureed food.

I have spent over six cumulative months in the hospital and I have lost over 30 pounds of weight.

My left eye went crooked due to my increased brain pressure. 

My depth perception got destroyed. However, my overall vision was not greatly affected. 

I had constant vomiting and couldn't hold any food down. I also had a constant swaying feeling every time that I stood up. 

I had severe neck pain where they implanted a shunt. 

Luckily, now all those problems have gone away. 

I wouldn't wish my balance or speech issues on my worst enemy.

However, as bad as things seem, I am very lucky to be alive and functioning for the most part.

I easily could have died multiple times but I did not.

I am not a vegetable and I hope to have many good years ahead of me.

I am confident that I will get back to normal life sooner or later as my condition is not degenerative and will only continue to improve with time and effort.

I have an amazing family and friends who have been incredibly supportive.

I have made a lot of progress, even if it has been slow and small. I can eat any solid food that I want and I use less thickener in my liquids. 

My speech is generally understandable after you have spent some time with me. 

I have not lost my ability to speak or understand Spanish. 

My short term memory is now terrible. However, my core long term memories have been unaffected. 

I had constant vomiting and I couldn't hold down any solid food. It was a major cause of my weight loss. 

I also had a constant swaying feeling every time that I stood up. 

Additionally, I had severe neck pain where they implanted a shunt. 

Luckily, all of those problems are now gone. 

I have to keep going not only for myself, but for Jenny and Eliana.

All things considered, I truly am one of the luckiest men alive. I wish this never happened to me but it did and I have to play the hand that I was dealt.

I had amazing doctors and nurses who gave me the best possible care with the information that they had. 

When you have a surgery in the United States, they always make you count backwards from ten and you are asleep before you get to zero. 

In Spain, they don't do a count down. Once, I was having an eye surgery and they were taking a long time to get everything ready. I angrily asked the nurse when we were going to start the surgery. 

She proceeded to tell me that they had already finished everything! I immediately felt bad for losing my temper. 

I am very lucky not to have to pay off medical debt for the rest of my life. I was also very lucky to leave the hospital without getting an infection or an addiction to pain medication. 

I am grateful for every breath that I am given in this imperfect world of ours.

Til next time, Tyler