Something that I need to get off my chest

This is slightly morbid and I probably think about this more than most people do.

Given my health issues though I think it is understandable. I often wonder when and how I will eventually die. 

Of course, I can never be certain of how or when I will die. This is why I am so grateful for every day of my life. 

On the one hand, I am looking forward to my death and hopefully being able to be reunited with my family and friends who passed away before me. 

I don't want to live forever, but neither do I want to die tomorrow. 89 feels like a good age to go out. However, I will stay alive as long as I can be mentally and physically OK.

Unlike most people my age, I have prepared extensively for my eventual death. I am an organ donor, I have a DNR, I have made my living Will, my funeral and burial arrangements, medical power of attorney and I have prewritten my obituary. 

I will only accept euthanasia if I get diagnosed with a brain disorder where I would lose my memory and independence. 

I do not want to be a burden on my family and slowly waste away. Any other disease though and I would fight it until the end. I don't want Jenny to have to stress about anything. That is why I have prepared all of this in advance. 

I hope that both Jenny and Eliana outlive me but I am not ready to kick the bucket tomorrow. 

I don't know how or when I will die but I hope it will be quick and painless. I had an ex roommate of mine die suddenly at only 49 years old. He died alone in his apartment in Africa. Far away from his family in Canada.

He had no wife or kids and his parents outlived him. I am very lucky not to have that be my fate. Eliana will be my legacy and God willing, I will live to see my grandkids and potentially my great grandchildren. 

I hope that I don't die tomorrow, but if I do then I will be happy with the life I have lead. I couldn't ask for much more. The good and the bad have shaped me into who I am today. 

Even if I could change something about my life I wouldn't change a thing. Everything has happened for a reason. 

I just want to remind everyone reading this to be sure and take advantage of every day that you are given because none of us knows how long that we have left. 

Til next time, Tyler 

A new future goal : To run again

The doctors recommend that you get 2.5 hours a week of exercise (enough to get your heart rate up)

Currently, I am getting 12 hours a week of exercise. Considering that I am not working, I treat my exercise like a job. Trying my best to recover.

I am trying to get better not only for myself but for Jenny and Eliana. 

They both deserve a normal life and I don't want to hold them back from that any longer than necessary.

I have made the decision to start running for exercise in the future if I am physically able to. 

I have never enjoyed running, but if I regain the ability to do it then I don't want to waste it. 

I need to stick around for as long as possible and being healthy is a good way to do that. 

So, this means that I am getting 9.5 hours more than the recommendations suggest. 

I say  all of this not to brag or make myself look superior, but just to inform you.

A quick health update

It has been a a while since I have given you an update on my health.

I recently had blood work done. I have to redo my blood work as I had a 24 hour stomach bug during the analysis. So my stomach and intestines were enflamed.

However, my doctor did not see anything alarming. I also recently visited the nutritionist. My weight is holding steady at 74 kg /165 pounds. 

My blood pressure is normal. They measured my grip strength and five months ago, I got 21 kg/46 lbs and just yesterday I got 31kg/68 lbs of grip strength.

I am down to two packages of liquid thickener (per one liter of liquid) down from five packages per one liter of liquid. 

So, overall I am making progress slowly but surely. This is a long, slow process and my daily progress is slow and small but the important thing is that I am moving forward. 

I am still doing my daily exercise program at home. I am still going to my rehab center 4 days a week working on on my balance. I have also started walking an hour extra three days a week. 

I stay busy creating content for my English teaching YouTube channel. I use an artificial voice from Google to speak for me and I use chat gpt to make my scripts. All I have to do is to pick a general topic that I want to teach. 

I am not teaching English in the traditional sense. However, I enjoy it and it makes me feel productive and I am able to do the only thing that I have ever been any good at, albeit in a new and distinct way. 

I am also practicing my speech at home. Additionally, I have a podcast that I do with friends in order to practice my speech and allow me to catch up with friends. 

I can kill two birds with one stone. I record the audio and then I upload it to YouTube. Let me know if you are interested in being a guest on my podcast. 

Currently (and hopefully forever) all of my health problems are minor annoyances like dry, sensitive skin. I am very lucky to be alive and functioning much better than before. 

I am hopeful that I will fully recover sooner or later. Jenny and Eliana deserve a break. My daily grind is pretty boring, as I am looking for work but not currently working. 

A home based job due to my mobility issues and a job where I don't have to talk on the phone due to my speech issues. So far, it has not been easy to find a job which fits my specifications.

I had uncontrollable trembling in hands prior to 2024. I also had severe pain in my neck where the doctors implanted a shunt. Additionally, I had severe vomiting and weight loss. 

I also had a constant swaying feeling whenever I stood up. Thank God all of those issues are now gone. My hands only shake uncontrollably when I get very tired. 

Other than not finding any work I really can't complain much. I am focused on my physical training and trying to get back to normal while I continue looking for work.

I still need some help with my daily stuff but I am doing much better than before. I can shower alone (sitting down) and I can dress and feed myself. All of the basics I can do on my own. 

I am looking forward to the day when I am totally independent again. I am a lucky guy who is deeply grateful to my family and friends. Not everyone has the amazing support system that I do. 

Now you are updated. Til next time, Tyler 

Living with uncertainty

No doctor can guarantee that the shunts implanted on my brain will not need to be replaced.

They could last the rest of my life or fail tomorrow. Since I have two of them there is double the chance of failure.

I read online directly from the manufacturer of my shunts that the average time between shunt replacements is 37 months. It has already been 24 months for me.

I can't stand the thought of having to start my recovery over from square one. However, my first shunt lasted 35 years so I hope I will get a long time out of these.

Since this is nothing that I can control I try not to stress about it because no amount of stress will change the underlying facts. I can only hope that they will last the rest of my life and I will not have to start my recovery over from scratch.