However, he did wake up. He ended up with many of the tbi (traumatic brain injury) symptoms that I have. Though his were much more severe. He ended up putting himself on a very restrictive (and in my opinion) unenjoyable diet. He eats no meat (other than fish), no milk or dairy products, no, wheat, no gluten, no trans fat and he tries to avoid all artificial sugar, additives, hormones or chemicals. He eats nothing ultra processed and tries to limit his sodium and cholesterol intake.
He claims to have cleared up his brain fog and restored his full cognitive abilities. I am onboard with limiting my artificial sugars, additives, hormones and ultra processed foods. Additionally, I want to limit my sodium and cholesterol intake.
However, I know that I will never be able to eliminate milk, wheat, dairy and gluten from my diet totally. Life for me would be totally unenjoyable if I was to force myself to such a restrictive diet. Even if it was helpful to my cognitive abilities. I prefer to struggle along as I am, trying to be generally healthy but not go overboard with such a restrictive diet. Because I don't see the value of extending your life if you don't truly enjoy it.
Now on to the reason why I was inspired to write this blog post. The author of the book, gave thanks to himself for his recovery. Some people may consider that selfish, I however do not. I was motivated to do the same thing.
It has been a long, slow, hard recovery for me. I am six years into this journey now. However, I am still far from being fully recovered. I am slowly but surely getting back to normal life though. I have survived 12 brain surgeries and one failed eye surgery to correct my twisted left pupil. I have been dealing with limited mobility, stability, balance issues and speech issues at the same time. I have said this before but I would not wish this on my worst enemy. However, I am grateful for the privilege of being alive and generally being able to do what I want. I am not paralyzed thank God, bedridden or in a coma. I have an amazing support system of family and friends who are always with me.
I have gotten down to skin and bones, back when I was on the pureed food diet. I have been hospitalized for over 9 months (cumulatively). I have had to relearn how to walk, talk and do basic things in life that you learn as a toddler. However, you have to play with the cards that you are dealt in the hard of life. Sometimes, you are dealt a lousy hand.
No amount of self pity will change that fact though. I went through a period of clinical depression. Luckily, with the help of my family, friends, my general doctor and an antidepressant, I made it through to the other side. I have mentioned this before but when I was depressed, I lost all of my motivation. I only opened my eyes because it was an automatic reflex from my body. Nothing made me feel emotional in any way. While luckily I never considered ending my own life (mostly because it would take me more effort than I was willing to expend to do so). I got to the point where I didn't care if I lived or I died.
Even when I was taken off of my antidepressant and I was no longer clinically depressed, I still was not really motivated to improve. Because I was not motivated to improve, I saw no improvement. Because I saw no improvement, I was not motivated to do anything. I was convinced that my recovery window was closed and that I would never get any better. It was a big, negative vicious cycle that I was caught in.
One of the reasons why I was so unmotivated (though not the sole reason) was I naturally had lower levels of dopamine in my brain. Dopamine is the chemical in your brain that gives you motivation, reward, drive and happiness. I had lower levels of dopamine in my brain due to going through my depression and my brain naturally produced less dopamine when I was in the midst of my recovery (even though I am still recovering).
It was not until I came back home to Texas in January of this year that I was able to break out of my cycle of negativity and increase my dopamine naturally through exercise and taking a daily shower with an ice cold blast of water for the last minute. At first, I didn't see any improvement so I just assumed that this trip and all of the exercises I was being forced to do (at first my parents had to force me to exercise). Were a waste of time and money. However, luckily I was proven to be very wrong.
After six years of inactivity my brain slowly began to wake up. It was successfully communicating with my body (although not 100 % of the time). I remember the first time it happened to me that my brain successfully communicated with my body, I cried like a baby. I had assumed that it would never work again but it did. Prior to all of this repetitive exercise (and still occasionally) my brain would issue a command to my body and my body would either ignore it completely, respond very slowly or respond in the wrong way. It is very frustrating.
However, once I connected the dots between my daily exercise, cold blast in the shower and increased dopamine, I started to actually not dread working out or treating it as an obligation. I still don't enjoy exercising. However, I have come to the realization that for me (unlike most of you) exercise is not optional for me. I must do it, not only for my general health and to protect against dementia but to keep my brain active and connecting with my body. This won't be just a temporary commitment for me, but something that I will have to continue for the rest of my life. Although, I currently exercise six days a week, taking only Sunday off as a rest day. In the future, I may be able to work out intensely only Monday to Friday. However, I won't taper off until I am confident that my brain won't go dormant again.
Finally, I want to take this opportunity to apologize to everyone who loves and supports me. Most especially, my wife, daughter and my parents. My lack of dopamine absolutely contributed to my stagnation as I previously mentioned. However, I can't blame my lack of progress, 100% on my lack of dopamine. I need to take some of the blame. For that, I am truly sorry. However, I am grateful that I recognized the problem, found a solution and I will work hard to make sure that it never happens again.
So, long story short, thank you to myself and everyone around me who loves and supports me. This has been a long, hard, slow journey that has affected not only me but everyone around me. Thank you for letting me say everything that I wanted to say. Til next time, Tyler
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