Gratitude

I have mentioned this before but I thought it was worth mentioning again. I am grateful not to have a degenerate medical condition. I am very lucky that I will not continue to get progressively worse. In fact, my current situation is the opposite. I will continue to improve with time and effort.

I think of people like the famous scientist Stephen Hawking, who by the end of his life could only move one cheek muscle which was connected to a computer that spoke for him. He was lucky though, there are people who have locked in syndrome and they are unable to communicate at all. It would be pretty terrible to be trapped in your own mind and unable to communicate. 

I have both speech and mobility issues. However, I am not paralyzed thank God, nor am I mute or in a coma. I have family and friends that love and support me and I have a beautiful wife and daughter. I cannot do everything that I once did. My life is hard in many ways. I would not wish this to happen to my worst enemy. I am still reasonably independent though. 

However, I still have a lot of life left ahead of me hopefully. I am thankful for everything that has happened to me. I have learned a lot from all of it. I am blessed beyond measure everyday that I have the opportunity to wake up again.

Til next time, Tyler 

April Update

Not much new to update you on for April. However, in the gym I am up to 150 lbs on the ab machine, 25 minutes on the treadmill (5.0 incline and 1.7 speed). On the water wheel (a machine used to strengthen your arms, I am on level 17/20. On the elliptical machine I am up to 32 minutes without stopping. I can do nine laps and I can do one lap in 2:58. I have gone 2.15 miles.

All of this working out is getting me into the best shape of my life. My 71 year old father works out along side me. There is no guarantee that all of this exercise will help me but it certainly can't hurt me. My dad is getting into shape with me.

In addition to working out six days a week with my dad, I walk for an hour a day, Monday to Friday with my mom (using my walker) up at the local basketball court. I have started practicing with a traditional walker without forearm support. I am up to 30 minutes a day with the new walker. It is my goal to transition to using a cane. I don't expect to ever walk again totally unassisted. If I can't use the cane successfully, then I will use the traditional walker.

I am still looking for a job online and teaching English to some students in Spain. In the little freetime that I have, I watch TV or read. I also visit my family and friends. The girls get here in June, so I am excited about that We have a lot planned for Jenny and Eliana's visit.

That is really all for now. Til next time, Tyler 

Positivity

Many people admire my positivity in the face of all these health challenges. A common question that I get, is how do I stay so positive?

There is no magic bullet. I have been given a difficult hand to play in life. However, things could be much worse for me. I am not sure or in a coma nor do I have a degenerative medical condition.

I am blessed to know that if I put in the time and effort, that I will continue to get better. I am far from being totally independent, I do have to deal with limited mobility and speech issues but I am at the point now where I can generally do almost everything in my daily life for myself. I have come a long way in the past six years.

Every day that I get the chance to to open my eyes, I make a deliberate decision to stay positive. My only other option is to fall into another depression. I would go into a downward spiral, losing my progress and motivation. I don't want to go back to that.

I am very lucky to have supportive people in my life. Including my wife and daughter, my family, my extended family, Jenny's family and my friends. I would be doing them all a disservice if I just gave up. 

Getting back to normal life won't only be a benefit to me. It will also allow Jenny and Eliana to get back to normal life as well. They deserve it as much as I do. None of us asked for any of this, but they have both been amazing. 

I have been affected by all of this for all of my daughter's life. She doesn't know me any other way. However, I am lucky and blessed that she loves me just as I am and she doesn't treat me any differently than any other able bodied father. 

That is all for now, Tyler 

March Update

We are now March, it's time to catch up on my progress.

Monday-Friday I'm walking an hour with my mom using my walker at the local the basketball court. 

Monday to Saturday I'm going to the gym with my dad and exercising 2 hours a day. 

I'm also looking for a remote online job. I'm doing English classes for 3 online students (they're in Spain). 

I've seen family and friends in my short time.

I'm looking forward to the girls and their visit.

Really, I have only just noticed one big change so far. I can move my arms and legs so much better. Everything is coordinating so much more naturally. I'm in better shape in general. I can really notice muscle.

I have also been visiting a chiropractor to get adjusted and taking a daily creatine supplement. I don't know if any of this is helping, but it certainly is not hurting. 

Til next time, Tyler 

My Health Anniversary

I don't know exactly when I went into the hospital for the first time but I do remember that it was in March of 2020.

For those of you who don't know, I was born three months premature back in 1984. I was born with a medical condition called hydrocephalus (water on the brain). It meant that my body was unable to drain fluid off of my brain naturally.

To combat this, the doctors installed a pump on my brain that was connected to a tube that went into my stomach and released the excess brain fluid there. Everything worked like a charm. Other than the doctors having to extend my shunt tubing when I was 13, I had no other issues. 

That is, until I was 35 back in 2020. I always knew that one day my shunt could fail. It finally did fail in 2020 due to the plastic becoming too old. I never expected all of these problems but I am lucky and blessed to have the support of my family and friends and I know that things could be much worse.

Back in March of 2020, I was hospitalized in Pamplona due to my shunt failure. I had a total of six brsurgeries;ies, first they tried to repair my original shunt. They couldn't because it was too old. I ended up with facial paralysis and damage to my fourth ventricle in my brain. This was due to the increased brain pressure. Your fourth ventricle controls your speech and balance. Hence my current issues. The facial paralysis also affected my speech.

I was put on a liquid/pureed diet due to the facial paralysis. I also had to have thickener added to my liquids. I still have to have thickener to prevent the liquid from going directly to my lungs. I lost a ton of weight on that liquid diet. Luckily, now I can eat any solid food that I want. 

In 2023,the doctors in Pamplona were out of ideas. After enduring six brain surgeries I was really no better. It was then that I found out about a wonderful doctor named Dr Poca in Barcelona. I ended up getting transferred there.

I ended up having six more brain surgeries. By this point, I had two shunts. One shunt is dedicated only to controlling the fourth ventricle. The issue that I was having previously was that one shunt would work and the other would not. Dr Poca gave me two shunts that can be adjusted via magnets. Thereby, avoiding another brain surgery only to adjust the pressure. Additionally, the shunts that she put in have a technology that allows them to talk with and synchronize to each other. Avoiding the issue I was having before of one of the shunts working and the other not. In addition to all of this, Dr Poca found and removed an old piece of shunt tubing from my stomach lining which was causing me to vomit constantly and lose weight.

This has been a long, hard road to recovery which I never expected. I am forever grateful to Jenny and Eliana Valentina for always being there for me. In addition my parents, extended family and friends have all been great. 

Due to the damage to my fourth ventricle, I will never again be able to walk totally unassisted. However, being able to transition to using a cane, or worst case scenario, a traditional walker will have me over the moon.

In addition to everything else, the increased brain pressure damaged the optic nerves in my eyes. I have needed glasses or contacts my whole life. However, now due to one of my pupils in my eye being twisted and off centered due to the increased brain pressure, I can no longer drive or wear contacts. I don't miss driving though! 

The doctors injected Botox into my eye to try to straighten it. However, it only worked temporarily. Now the doctors tell me that they can do an additional surgery to straighten my pupil, but it will be only cosmetic, it won't improve my vision. So, I am thinking that I won't bother with it. Having the twisted pupil does affect my balance but over the past few years my body has learned how to deal with it. My vision is bad, but OK with glasses. My balance is slowly coming along. It is annoying having bad vision. However, I am thankful not to be blind. 

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. However, I consider myself lucky for the shape that I am in. Things could be much worse. I am lucky that I don't have a degenerative condition. With time and effort I will only continue to improve. I am currently back home in Texas until the end of August. I am walking daily with my mom up at the local basketball court, using my walker. 

Every afternoon, I go to the rehab gym in Nocona, Texas for a 2 hour workout with my dad, we alternate between leg days and arm days. Additionally, I am still practicing my speech daily with my AI apps and I am still teaching English online to 3 of my students from Spain. Once a week, I have a session online with a memory specialist back in Spain to work on my short term memory.

So I have been staying busy! This has been a long, hard journey for the last six years and counting. However, I consider myself a lucky guy. I wouldn't change anything even if I could. If you are reading this, I love you and I am thankful for your support.

I have what amounts to a traumatic brain injury. The doctors tell me that it will never fully heal. However, with time they expect the undamaged areas of my brain to take over for the damaged ones I am seeing slow, small but steady progress. I can handle having limited mobility or speech issues. However, having both makes life difficult. I would love to get to the point where I have either speech or limited mobility, not both things. Obviously, having neither of them would be ideal. 

I want to be employable again. However, due to my mobility issues, an at home job would be best currently. Due to my speech issues, having a job where I don't have to talk to anyone is ideal. So far I am not having any luck with my job search due to my requirements. 

Jenny and Eliana Valentina have both been amazing. I couldn't ask for better support. I have been affected by all of these health problems for the entirety of Eliana's life. Sadly, she doesn't know me any other way. At least Jenny got to know me before all of this happened. I want to fully be a part of Eliana 's life without having to worry about my limited mobility or speech issues. She worries about me a lot and she is always willing to help me out. However, I want her to have a normal childhood, not to worry about her dad. 

Me getting as close to a normal life as I can will allow Jenny and Eliana to return to normal life too. That means any improvement that I can make will not only benefit me, but them also. So that is basically my update and my goals. 

Til next time, Tyler 

My Exercise Routine

I figured that it was high time to put my exercise routine here in order for everyone to keep me accountable. My overall goal is not to walk totally unassisted, which is unrealistic unfortunately. However, I do want to transition to using a cane. Or worst case scenario, a traditional walker without forearm support.

To accomplish this, I am walking an hour a day with my mom (using my walker) and I am going six days a week to a local rehab gym with my dad. Below, I will post my workout schedule. 

Workout Schedule

1. Treadmill-30 minutes 

2. Water wheel-30 minutes 

3. Ab machine-100 reps

4. Stationary bike-30 minutes 

5. Rope pulley-25 reps

6. Leg press-50 reps

7. Arm and leg machine-30 minutes 

8. Elliptical machine-12 minutes 

9. Leg extension machine 25 reps

Monday 

1. Treadmill- 30 minutes

2. Water wheel -30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Arm and leg machine - 30 minutes

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total workout time - 1hr 52 minutes

Tuesday

1. Treadmill - 30 minutes

2. Water wheel - 30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Rope pulley - 25 reps

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total workout time- 1hr 32 minutes

Wednesday

1. Treadmill - 30 minutes

2. Water wheel - 30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Leg press - 50 reps

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total Workout Time- 1hr 32 minutes

Thursday

1. Treadmill - 30 minutes

2. Water wheel - 30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Leg extension machine - 50 reps

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total Workout Time- 1hr 32 minutes

Friday

1. Treadmill - 30 minutes

2. Water wheel - 30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Stationary bike 30 minutes

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total Workout Time- 1hr 52 minutes

Saturday

1. Treadmill - 30 minutes

2. Water wheel - 30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Bicep curls - 25 reps

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total Workout Time -1hr 32 minutes

Total weekly workout time - 6 days. 9 hrs and 52 minutes weekly

In addition to all of the workouts, I am doing my speech therapy daily. I am trying to beat this facial paralysis. Because it will be easier on me to have either limited mobility or speech issues but not both of them. 

I hope all of this effort is going to help me reach my goals. I am doing this not only to benefit myself but to benefit my family as well. Now, you can keep me accountable. Even though none of this is ideal, I still consider myself a lucky guy. 

Til next time, Tyler 

In defense of anti depressants

I have talked about this various times before. However, I can't remember specifically blogging about it. I am on a mission to de stigmatize antidepressants and getting mental health help if you need it. I would write this a million times over again if I knew it would help someone who is struggling. What follows is my experience and yours may differ.

I grew depressed a few years ago when I was sick and hospitalized. I never considered ending my life thank God. However, I was absolutely numb. It got to the point where I didn't even care if I lived or died. 

Nothing brought me joy or anger or frustration or anything. I didn't care about myself or my family or friends. I had so much to live for but I had lost all of my motivation. The only reason I even opened my eyes was because it was an automatic reflex from my body. 

It was around this time my wonderful general doctor in Spain prescribed me an anti depressants. I am forever grateful to him for going the extra mile and caring about me more than he had to. He would call up to the hospital weekly to make sure that I was taking it. 

I don't agree with anyone's decision to commit suicide but I do now understand wanting to end the numbness. Being on an antidepressant (which I am no longer taking) allowed me to have normal human emotions again.

I came back to reality from the edge. I found my joy and motivation again. I was able to realize how lucky I am to have the wonderful family and friends that I do. 

I took joy in hearing my daughter laugh, talking about boring daily stuff with my wife or even getting annoyed or angry. Just remember, if you are reading this and struggling, it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, talk to a professional or get on an antidepressant. You have a lot to live for. You would be ending your pain by committing suicide but the pain would only be beginning for your loved ones and friends left behind.

If this helps even one person it will have been worth it. 

Til next time, Tyler 

February Update

Now that I have been back home for roughly a month, I figured it is time to give everyone an update. My overall goals remain the same. I want to improve my balance and overall independence, thereby giving Jenny and Eliana a shot at returning to a normal life. 

I want to transition to using a cane. Worst case scenario, I want to be able to use a traditional walker (without the forearm support). I know that it is highly unlikely that I will ever be able to walk again fully unassisted, due to the damage to my fourth ventricle. However, I will be over the moon to get to the point where I can walk using only a cane. 

To accomplish my goals, I am walking daily with my mom at the local high school basketball court, using my walker with forearm support, for an hour daily. Then, in the afternoons after lunchtime, I go with my dad up to the gym and we exercise for two hours daily. We alternate between arm and leg days. Once this is all said and done, I will get both of my parents into good shape. 

In addition to all of my exercise, I am still doing my speech therapy and I have registered with the Texas Workforce Commission, looking for a remote job that I can do from home. I am also staying busy reading and watching TV series. I am also still teaching English to three of my students from Spain, online from here in Texas. 

Jenny and Eliana Valentina will be here to visit me in mid June until mid July. We plan on seeing and doing a lot. I will be here in Texas until the end of August. In my little spare time, I am visiting family and friends and eating good Texas food. That is all for now. 

Til next time, Tyler 

I made it home

I thought I should update this and let you know that I made it home safely. This will be short and sweet. However, I will be home until the end of August. Right now, we are just trying to stay out of the ice and snow. I am looking forward to seeing Jenny and Eliana Valentina in June.

I am also happy to be home and I am available to see family and friends. I am looking forward to working hard and hopefully regaining some of my mobility and independence. 

Til next time, Tyler Horton 

My trip home

I figure that now is as good a time as any to let all of my dear readers know that I am heading back home to Texas with my dad on Tuesday the 27th.

I will be back home until August 31st. Of course I will try and visit with everyone, but the primary purpose of this visit home isn't social. It is to train hard and hopefully make progress with my mobility and speech issues. 

Now that I am 41, I am not getting any younger, nor are my parents. This may be my last chance to make meaningful progress. Due to the damage to the 4th ventricle in my brain, I am under no illusions that I will ever be able to walk again totally unassisted. 

However, it is my goal to get rid of the wheelchair and walker with forearm support. I want to transition to using only a cane. Worst case scenario, I want to move to using a traditional walker. I will be returning to Spain August 31st. The shape I return in, is realistically the shape I can expect to be in for the rest of my (hopefully) long life. I will be returning to Spain with my mom.

Jenny and Eliana Valentina are both coming to visit me in July in Texas. I hope that we can have a good time. I look forward to seeing all of you soon. My parents no longer live in Little Elm, they moved to Saint Jo Texas. However, I hope to visit my last remaining grandma and all of the family and friends that I can. 

It will be hard being away from Jenny and Eliana Valentina. However, I don't want to be a burden on anyone. Nor do I want to live my remaining life with both a speech and mobility disability. I can deal much easier with one disability instead of two. Three of my clients (students) of English will be continuing English classes online with me while I am in Texas. This will be good for my pronunciation practice and a way to stay busy. 

Jenny and Eliana Valentina both deserve a chance at a normal life and they won't get it until I do. I still consider myself lucky to be in the shape that I am in. I am not bedridden or in a coma. I still have a lot of life left to live even if it is not as easy as before. I am also grateful for the amazing support of my family and friends and Jenny's family. I couldn't do this without them.

Next time I write you it will be from Texas. Til next time, Tyler