A Beautiful Mind

I was just thinking today about my mind. When I was in the depths of my depression, I was completely numb emotionally. Nothing excited me or made me sad, happy or angry. I lost all of my motivation and only opened my eyes because it was an automatic reflex from my body.

However, now that I am off the antidepressant, I am getting back normal human emotions. I am starting to laugh again, feel sadness, anger, annoyance and joy. It is so nice to have made it through to the other side.

I am one of the lucky ones. Being put on the antidepressant, first restored my motivation and then it restored my ability to have normal human emotions. I never got to the point where I wanted to kill myself (although I did get to the point where I didn't even care whether I lived or died). Some people have the antidepressant do the opposite of what it is supposed to do. It can restore people's motivation, before it restores their emotional balance. So, in effect they get motivated enough to actually kill themselves. Luckily, for me, it was always to much effort to actually kill myself. 

I am also finally dreaming again. I recently dreamed about being in a Baskin and Robbins ice cream shop. I went to use my debit card to pay for the ice cream. The machine was thinking about my purchase. It didn't reject my payment for an invalid pin number, nor did it successfully complete my payment. During the time that I was waiting, my dad entered the ice cream store with a shotgun and said that he was there to kill an armadillo. Then, all of the customers ran out of the store. I woke up before I received my ice cream. 

Additionally, on the elliptical machine I have to use so much mental brain power to focus on my exercise. I have to use my mental power to visualize everything, command my body, do my one-two counting (to help synchronize my arms and legs) and focus on everything else. 

However, recently I have been able to put my brain on auto pilot and still do the exercise. It is such a relief to be able to do the exercise without focusing so hard on the actual exercise. I am finally able to let my mind wander. The best way that I can explain this is to think of my mind as a pressure cooker, which cooks via steam and pressure. The pressure gets released when you release the pressure valve. I feel like finally I am getting to the point where I can release the pressure valve of my mind. I no longer have to use all of my mental energy to synchronize my arms and legs.

The only other thing which I wanted to mention, involving my mind is my short term memory, processing speed, mental math skills and just general retention. My mental math skills were always terrible even prior to all of this. However, for the first time in my life I am actively trying to improve my mental math skills and they do seem to be improving. 

I am doing brain training sessions three times a week online via the Texas Workforce Commission. I enjoy my sessions and my trainers. They challenge me to use my memory in different ways which I normally would not. Additionally, I am using a brain training application on my phone called Elevate. It has a variety of different games to play which are fun and engaging. They work on all of the skills that I work on in my brain training with the Texas Workforce Commission. 

Because they are fun and engaging, it doesn't feel like training even though it is. As I previously mentioned, I have avoided working on my mental math skills for my whole life. However, this application forces me to do it and it really seems to be helpful. I am currently number one on the weekly points ladder (in terms of overall usage and completion rates). 

Additionally, I am doing five minutes of red light therapy daily. It might not seem like much but because of my shunts, I don't want the heat to affect anything. I honestly don't notice any difference yet but in all of my reading, I have read nothing but good things about red light therapy for people with tbi's. It can't hurt, only help me. It is supposed to improve all of the skills that I am working on in my other brain training. 

I stopped reading because it was too much of a struggle for me to concentrate on reading. However, now I have fallen back in love with reading. It is such a joy, that I will never take for granted. I am so grateful to myself and everyone in my life for supporting me through this journey. I feel like even though life is much harder than before, it is worth living again. I am super happy that even though I will likely never fully return to normal, I can give everyone around me a chance to live life without having to constantly focus on me. 

Things will likely never go back to being easy and automatic for me like they were before 2020. I will have to continue to work hard both physically and mentally for the rest of my life. However, my brain and body are finally waking up again. I have to force them to do so, but they are responding. I must keep at it in order not to lose my progress and have my brain go dormant again. 

I must always remember that I am doing all of this effort, not only for myself and my general health (physical exercise has been proven to release chemicals in your brain which help you avoid mental decline). I am also doing this for my family, Jenny's family, my extended family and my friends. Because I know that there is a huge difference between centering all of their lives around my care or just lightly helping me. I did not ask for any of this. I would not wish any of this on my worst enemy. 

However, none of the people in my life deserve to be prisoners of my health conditions, not when I am in control of my recovery and I have the power to improve my life. You can't choosing everything in life, you can only play with the cards that you are dealt. Luckily for me, there is still hope for a better future and life is still worth living. I am blessed beyond measure and I don't think that I would change anything even if I could. Going through all of this journey for the past six years has taught me so much. If you have made it this far, I thank you and I love you. I am forever grateful for your continued support. 

Til next time, Tyler 

My Future

I wanted to give you my dear readers, a brief look into my future. This has been a long, hard, slow road to recovery for the past six years. I would not wish any of this on my worst enemy. I have gone through periods of stagnation, where I have lost all hope for recovery. This can be blamed 80% on the lack of dopamine in my brain. That is the chemical that gives you motivation, reward, drive and happiness. However, as much as I like to hear that there is a scientific explanation for my lack of motivation, I have to accept 20% of the responsibility for my (now former) lack of progress. 

It has taken me six long years. However, I now understand that my brain is reawakening. I must continue exercising six days a week for the rest of my life, in order to not allow my brain to go back to being dormant again. I don't enjoy all this effort. However, I know now that I have to keep doing repetitive exercises in order to retrain my brain. I never again want to allow my brain to go dormant for lack of trying on my part. 

There are worse things in the world than exercising six days a week.  I have the added benefits of staying healthier for longer and exercise has been proven to help fight mental decline. So, I can't argue with that. At least my brain is reawakening and I am not paralyzed thank God or in a coma. I may never be able to walk fully unassisted again. However, I don't know the limits of my recovery yet and I owe it to myself and everyone around me to try as hard as possible for as long as possible, to get as close as possible to normal life as possible. The only thing that I know for sure is that I have not yet reached the limits of my progress. 

Thank you for supporting me through six long years and not giving up on me even when I gave up on myself. Realizing all of this six years later, isn't ideal. I wasted a lot of time. However, I can't change the past, only the future. It is better late than never. I don't expect to ever be able to walk again fully unassisted but I will be thrilled if I can get to using only a cane. To accomplish this goal, I am practicing using a traditional walker (without forearm support). In addition, I am practicing using my Alinker mobility bike. 

That is all for now, Tyler 

TBI Recovery Advice

I hope that none of you reading this are suffering from a tbi (traumatic brain injury) but after my recent progress I was inspired to share my experience with you on the off chance that it may be helpful to someone.

First, a quick disclaimer. This is only my personal experience and your results may vary. Always consult with your doctor before starting anything new. 

Now on to my advice. I have started noticing that after I have been exercising repetively and intensely for six days a week, and walking with my walker for five days a week, that my brain is finally starting to wake up and reconnect again. 

I cannot even express to you how overjoyed I feel to be back in control of my recovery. I am no longer a passive prisoner of my health conditions. I don't have to just accept my fate and think that I will never get any better. I must continue exercising intensely six days a week for the rest of my life. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. 

I must continue doing the repetitive action which I want to retrain my brain to do. I also don't want to allow it to go dormant again and lose all of my hard earned progress. 

Now the part that you have been waiting for. Firstly, after reading a book given to me by my uncle Richard (my mom's younger brother) about brain plasticity, I started doing a mental visualization technique where you visualize the outcome of the thing that you want.

I started off just telling myself that I will have a good exercise session. I noticed about a 10% increase of good things happening for me. However, I refined my technique even further. For example, when my arms and legs wouldn't cooperate with me, I started to image myself floating on the elliptical machine on the top of a cloud.

In addition to this mental visualization technique, I started to mentally picture each individual part of my body and I started commanding it to work. I didn't ask it politely to work or beg, negociante or plead with it to work. I simply don't give myself room for failure. 

This technique doesn't last forever. My body eventually gives out. However, I have noticed a huge improvement in my mind and body working together. At first, I didn't understand what was going on. I was just happy that it was working. 

I did some research, from everything that I have been reading, it turns out that mentally visualizing the outcome that you want, not only releases positive chemicals in your brain. It also allows you to will a particular outcome into existence. 

By commanding my body to work w me and not against me, I am activating neural pathways in my brain that allow things to work together. 

Additionally, when you mentally visualize something, your brain activates the neural pathways as if you were actually doing the action even if you never physically do it. I won't lie to you, I dismissed all this as hippie, new age stuff that could never work. 

However, intense, repetitive working out releases a chemical in the brain which scientists have nicknamed fertilizer for the brain. It repairs damaged neural pathways and additionally, it has been shown to protect against Alzheimer's disease. It is only released when you do enough exercise to break a sweat. The experts recommend that you do 120 minutes of any form of exercise which allows you to break a sweat. Currently, I am doing at least triple that. 

That was until it really started working for me. I am a believer now. I don't truly, fully understand what is happening. I just know that something positive is going on. I have also been seeing a chiropractor who has been doing all kinds of adjustments on me and giving me a ton of pills, potions and supplements. I don't understand any of it. However, I do believe that it is working. I am also doing red light therapy. Finally, I am taking the last minute of my daily shower, ice cold. I don't enjoy it but it is supposed to naturally boost the dopamine levels in your brain. That is the chemical that gives you motivation, reward, drive and happiness Again, I don't understand it all and I don't know that it will make a difference but it won't hurt me either. 

Til next time, Tyler 

I Did a Thing

So, I just wanted to quickly inform all of you dear readers, that I wrote a short book about my recovery from all of my brain surgeries and all of the ups and downs that I have had over the past six years. For the past six years I had given up hope on making any real progress. Almost all of the doctors whom I saw told me that my two year recovery window was closed. 

Because my progress was so slow and small, I believed them. I just accepted my bad luck and I didn't believe that I could make any further big progress. I regret that it took me six long years to realize that I could recover at least some functionality. Better late than never, right? 

That was my situation until I got back home in January of 2026. I started working out six days a week. Repetively doing the things that I wanted to retrain my brain to do. My brain is slowly starting to wake up after six years of inaction. I am no longer a prisoner of my medical conditions but I am slowly but surely actively working on trying to change my fate. 

I understand that I will need to keep doing this intense, repetitive exercise, six days a week for the rest of my life. I don't enjoy it. I wish there was an easier option. However, the alternative is to let my brain go dormant again and lose all the progress that I have worked so hard for. I refuse to let that happen. Both for myself and everyone around me. 

I already put this on my Facebook page but I figured that I would also write something here. If you are interested in reading my book, I am happy to send you a digital copy. It is only sixteen pages long. Just send me your email address if you end up wanting a copy. Feel free to share the book with anyone who you think that it may help. I am hopeful again for what my future holds. I don't know my limits yet, only that I have not reached them yet. 

Thank you all for your kind words, love and support. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Especially, to my loving, supportive and very patient wife Jenny Mojica and my daughter Eliana Valentina. Along with my parents Mark and Eileen Horton and my in laws (and all of Jenny's family) and to all of my extended family, friends and anyone else whom I might be missing. 

Til next time, Tyler 

Extra May Update

All of you my dear readers, are getting an extra update in May because I was too excited to wait until June to tell you. Here goes : As most of you know now, I have been training hard in the gym six days a week with my dad for between 1-2 hours at a time. I do a mixture of cardio and strength training trying to improve my balance and general health.

I have been reading an excellent book given to me by my uncle Richard (my mom's younger brother) it is entitled The Brain's Way of Healing by Dr. Norman Doidge. It is all about brain plasticity and the ability for your brain to repair itself, slowly but surely and with effort from you.

The brain can restore neural connections after a stroke, tbi (traumatic brain injury) or other illness. I was told by my doctors in Spain that I had brain damage and it would never get any better. For six years I just accepted that fact. I just agreed with what I was told and because I didn't notice any big progress, I believed them. However, I now know that they were wrong. I don't hold any ill will against them, they were only telling me what they had been taught in medical school. 

However, since coming back home to Texas in January and working out six days a week with my dad plus walking with my walker, five days a week with my mom (for an hour a day). I have proven that you can retrain and reactivate a damaged brain. 

You see, I was using the elliptical machine as a barometer for my progress. I started out going barely a half of a mile in 33 minutes (. 85km) and it took me 7:15 to do one lap. However, I was eventually able to get my lap time down to 2:06 and do 3 miles (4.7km) in total distance.

When I began reading my new book on brain plasticity, I read about a mental technique that is used for chronic pain patients. They look at brain scans of healthy, pain free people and then they mentally visualize themselves as pain free. In this way, they slowly retrain their brains to turn down or off their pain receptors. The vast majority of them were able to decrease or completely eliminate taking their pain medications.

It sounds like hippie mumbo jumbo right? Well I decided to give it a try even though I don't have any chronic pain. While on the elliptical machine, I would have only brief windows of time where my mind and body would synchronize together perfectly without my arms or legs involuntarily locking up.

Well I decided to try mentally concentrating on "good time" where everything worked correctly between my mind and my body. Guess what? It really works! Now, I go slower and do less total distance than before. However, using my new mental technique I no longer have just flashes of "good time" but extended good time.

I don't understand how any of this is working. I only know that it is working. I have to keep working out intensely for the rest of my life. Because medical science has proven that when you work out intensely and repetitively, not only can you rewire a damaged brain, but during intense workout time your brain releases chemicals which heal damaged neural pathways. 

This topic always makes me extremely emotional. I cannot even describe how happy I am to know that I don't have to passively accept my condition but 90% it is within my control to minimize my symptoms and 10% a limit of my body. That is an incredibly empowering feeling. 

I have to keep trying hard. Even though I will likely never return to how I was prior to all of this, there is a big difference between Jenny and Eliana (and all of my family and friends) having to care for me intensely or having to only lightly assist me. I need to do all this effort not only for myself but for them. 

Well that's it for now, Tyler 

My Reason Why

Edit:This is actually outdated. I posted this yesterday, today (Wednesday May 13th 2026) I have actually done one lap in 2:06 and 3.08 miles in 33 minutes (4.96 km). However I still wanted to share it with you. 

I took this from my Facebook page but I wanted to put it here for posterity. I wanted to briefly explain why I am doing all of this exercise. 

Today I reached my goal of doing 3 miles (4.84km) in 33 minutes on the elliptical machine. When I first started back in January, I struggled mightily to go a half of a mile (0.85km) in 33 minutes.

For so long, I felt like my health conditions were just bad luck and that I was stuck in the shape that I was in. However, I now know that my progress is up to me. I may very well hit a limit to my progress. However, I don't know where that limit is, I only know that I have not hit it yet. It is empowering to be back in control of my own recovery. After being passive for so long, it feels good to be in control of my progress.

I did not ask for any of this. Nor did anyone expect it. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. However, you have to play the cards you were dealt in life. I believe now, it is 10% a physical limit of how far that I can push my brain and body to recover and 90% my willingness to put in the effort. I am very grateful not to be completely paralyzed or in a coma. My life is hard. However, it is still worth living. I have excellent family and friends. I hope to be around a lot longer. 

It is hard work doing all of this repetitive exercise six days a week. I don't like doing it. However, I know now that I have to keep doing it for the rest of my life if I don't want to lose all of the progress that I have made. It will keep me healthier for longer. So I might as well learn to enjoy it, not dread it. I lost a lot of time due to my own lack of motivation. However, I am now motivated to try and get in the best possible shape not only for myself but for my family and friends. I do regret not realizing this sooner, but you can only change your future not your past.

I have gone through cycles my whole life of being really motivated at first but then slowly losing my motivation and stagnating. However, this time I want it to be different. I want to show my wife, my family and friends that I'm really a changed person. As I mentioned before, I am not working out because I want to. I am working out because I have to. I don't want to make all of this progress, only to get lazy and lose it all. I am motivated to keep pushing, not only for myself but for everyone around me. 

I am doubtful that I will ever get back to 100% normality. But there is a big difference between being cared for lightly and having someone (most likely Jenny Andrea) care for me intensely. I owe it to her and everyone around me (and to myself) to try and regain as much independence as possible. Better late than never. If you are reading this, thank you for your support for the past six years.

That is all for now, Tyler 

Brain Plasticity

I thought I would share my thoughts with you dear readers, on brain plasticity. For many years, I heard the now outdated advice that you had a 12-24 "recovery window" after experiencing a tbi (traumatic brain injury), which is effectively what I have.

For the past six years since all of this happened, I have made a slow recovery. However, nothing dramatic. After all this time, I had just about given up hope on having any big changes. I was resigned to the fact that I have a tbi and I was just going to have to live with my condition as is. 

I returned home to Texas on January 27th. Since that date, I have been walking with my mom (using my walker) for an hour a day, five days a week. I have started using a traditional walker in addition to my walker with forearm support. It is my goal to transition to using only a cane. However, to do that, I first need to master using a traditional walker. 

Plus, I am going to the gym with my dad, six days a week for between 1-2 hours each time. In that time I have: decreased my lap time on the elliptical machine from 7:15 to 2:17. In addition, I used to struggle with going barely half of a mile in 33 minutes. Now, I am up to 2.88 miles in 33 minutes. The elliptical machine automatically shuts off after 33 minutes of continuous use for some weird reason. 

Additionally, I have recently have been having windows of "good time" on the elliptical machine where everything works correctly between my brain talking to my body. These "good times" never last long. Then, my body starts to give up on me. My arms and legs lock up etc. It is never bad enough to end my work out but it is bad enough to be annoying and throw me off. 

The first time it happened to me, it took me a minute to understand fully what was happening. Then, I got so emotional, I started crying like a baby out of relief. I did manage to make it to the truck before I broke down. Whenever, the "good times" repeated themselves, I had a different reaction. I had the urge to laugh out loud. I managed to stifle it though. I didn't want people to think that I was going crazy! 

However, just the fact that these "good times" are happening for me at all, after six years is encouraging. Not only that, but I have managed to have these "good times" two separate times, minutes apart, before everything starts to fall apart again.

I have increased the speed of the treadmill from 1.0 to 2.0 (it increases 0.1 each time you level up). I have also increased the incline to 8.0. I started out at 1.0 incline. I am at 150 lbs on the ab machine. I have maxed out the stationary bike and on a machine where you move your arms and legs at the same time. I have also maxed out the water wheel. It is a circular wheel filled with water which you pedal with your arms to strengthen them. I am in as good of shape (or better) than I was back in high school. 

I don't tell you all of this to brag. I am telling you, to encourage anyone else who has a brain injury, not to give up hope. After 12-24 months, your body has done all of the healing that it will do alone. However, if you put in the time and effort, you can make progress, slowly but surely years or even decades later.

I don't expect that I will ever get back to the way that I was before all of this. However, if I can eventually walk with a cane and have 75%\85% of my pre tbi quality of life, then I will be over the moon. I am doing all of this effort, not only for my benefit but for my wife and daughter back home. They don't deserve to be prisoners of my health conditions when I still have the power to improve my life and be more independent. 

Before I end this, I want to give a special shout out to my parents, They are both 71. They have supported me unconditionally throughout all of this. Even if this doesn't get me back to normal life, just the fact that they both work out along with me, allows me to keep them healthier for longer.

All of this exercise is not easy However, it is certainly not hurting me. I consider myself very lucky not to be paralyzed or in a coma. My conditions are not degenerative. I am very lucky to have a loving wife, daughter, parents, brothers, in laws and extended family and friends who love and support me.

That is all for now, Tyler 

May Update

I thought that it would be a good idea to put down all of my progress in writing. I arrived here in Texas on January 27th from Spain. I started working out at the gym almost immediately. I go with my dad six days a week for more or less two hours at a time. Although, when I first started working out, I was only going for about 30 to 45 minutes.

I am now in the best shape that I have been in since I was in high school. I might be 41 years old but I can still get in a good workout. To his credit, my 71 year old dad works out right along with me. So, even if this doesn't help me (although it can't hurt) then at least I can keep him in good shape.

I have made big progress on the treadmill. I started out at 1.0 speed with 0 incline. Now, I have progressed to 2.0 speed (it increases by 0.1 each time you increase) and 8.5 incline (maximum 20).

I have reached the maximum level of resistance on the waterwheel, which you pedal with your arms to strengthen your forearms. I am also doing lunges and squats (without weight) to improve my physical condition. I am up to 150 lbs/68kg on the ab machine. I also alternate between doing the leg press, leg extension exercises and arm pull down exercises.

However, I am most proud and excited to see my progress on the elliptical machine. Starting out, it was really a struggle for me. Because of the brain damage, my brain will send a command to my body, for example, move your right leg. Then, my body will either: A) ignore the command completely B) Respond too slowly or C) Respond in the wrong way. 

So, at first I was struggling through just ten minutes on the elliptical. My knees would lock up or my arms would lock up. I struggled to coordinate my arms and legs together. However, now that we are in May, I have noticed big improvement. 

At first, I was struggling through ten minutes only. I could barely get through .25 of a mile and two laps. Now, I can go for 33 minutes and I can do nine laps and around 2.8 miles. That is not the most exciting news though. The most exciting news is that I have gotten my lap time down to 2:25 and I fee perfectly normal and able bodied for the first time in six years.

The first time it happened to me I cried like a baby because I was so relieved to feel like I was normal again. Luckily, I have now increased the amount of time in which I feel normal, from 2:25 to 3:15. I hope that it will continue to increase.

Even after 3:15, when everything starts to fall apart with my body, it is never dangerous to me but it is enough to be annoying and throw off my rhythm. Having this normal feeling, gives me hope though that my brain will eventually heal itself enough for me to walk with only a cane. Even if I never walk again totally unassisted.

In addition to going to the gym with my dad six days a week, I am also walking with my mom up at the local basketball court five days a week for an hour a day using my walker. I am trying to transition to using a cane. However, in order to do that, I need to first get off my walker with forearm support. So, I have started using a traditional walker with no forearm support. 

In addition to all of my exercise, I am doing short term memory training online via the Texas Workforce Commission for three days each week. My short term memory is terrible now due to the brain damage. Although, my long term memory seems to be unaffected. I feel like my brain training is helping. 

I use a separate brain training app, daily to help keep me sharp. 

Additionally, I practice daily with some AI apps which are meant to teach people English. However, I use them to talk and have my pronunciation graded. I am also teaching three students from Spain, online. I teach them English. Not to make a ton of money for myself but more to stay busy and improve my pronunciation. I am happy that I can do it as a benefit to myself, but also to their benefit.

Still no work for me online but I have not given up looking. Honestly, right now I am concentrating on getting in the best shape that I can because I can deal with having either a defect in my speech or limited mobility but having both at the same time is hard and the girls (and all of my family and friends) don't deserve to have to constantly care for me when I still have the power to better myself and gain more independence. 

Well, that is all for now, Tyler 

Explaining My Love for Spanish

I figured that it was time to give all of you dear readers an explanation for my love for the Spanish language. I did not start off being bilingual. However, through many years of struggle, learning street Spanish, taking a smattering of formal classes and being married to a native Spanish speaker.

I naively thought everyone would be bilingual in Colombia. I only had one year of required high school Spanish so I knew basically nothing. I remember landing in Bogotá and being shocked by the fact that almost no one spoke English.

I remember failing to tell my bank that I was in Colombia and they assumed that I was a scammer so they blocked my access to all of my debit and credit cards. Luckily, a nice store owner took pity on me and after I explained my situation, he let me use his phone for free to call the one person whom I knew at the time who spoke English. He was nice enough to come pick me up and let me stay with him. 

I also remember for about the first six months of living in Colombia, it seemed like everyone spoke 1000 miles per hour. It took me about six months to get used to it. I remember once having to buy packing tape for a move. I went to the local shop and I asked for "cinta" (tape) and I said it about fifteen different times, in fifteen different ways before the lady understood what I was saying.

I have always had an accent when speaking Spanish. I think that I always will. However, I consider a foreign accent as a badge of honor. It means that you can speak a language which is not your native language. Now that I have been affected by facial paralysis, it is harder to understand me sometimes. However, I am very lucky that throughout all of my brain surgeries I have not lost my ability to understand Spanish. 

I learned Spanish at first, only to survive and not starve. This was well before I started to really enjoy being bilingual. I remember being recently arrived to Colombia. I went to the local grocery store and I bought what I assumed was chicken. However, it was super cheap. I was excited to get such a discount. I went home and cooked it in a stew. I spit it out immediately and didn't finish it. I found out only later that what I had bought was the gizzards or innards of the chicken. 

Even after all of these years of speaking Spanish, I still struggle with some things. For example por vs para (the two forms of the word for) and ser vs estar (the two forms of the verb to be). Ser being a permanent action and estar being a temporary action. I also struggle with the imperative, which is how you give commands in Spanish. Another thing that I struggle with is era vs estaba. Both words mean "was" but in different context. 

Every word in Spanish has a gender, male or female. The general rule is that if the word ends in A it is female. So, you use la and if it ends in O then it is male. So, you use el. However, there are many, many exceptions. For example, you would say, el mapa (the map) not la mapa. As far as I know, the only way to learn these exceptions is to memorize them. 

There is a governing body for the Spanish language. They have established all of the rules for the spelling, pronunciation and grammar of the language. In general if you can say it, you can spell it. In this way it is much easier than English. If you have a doubt about something, you can look it up officially. There are not a ton of unwritten rules and customs like in English. 

I also like the fact that you can combine some words in Spanish. For example, contigo (with you) and conmigo (with me). I also think that supuestamente is easier to say and spell than using the English equivalent of supposedly. 

I have heard various reports that people are being targeted for deportation only for speaking Spanish. This is racist and illegal. It is un-American and it makes me sad. Many immigrants don't teach their children their native language because they want them to be more "American". I think that is a big mistake. 

Jenny and I are raising our daughter Eliana Valentina to be bilingual and proud of it. I speak to her exclusively in English and Jenny exclusively in Spanish. I remember when Eliana Valentina was about 2.5 years old she went through a phase where she was constantly saying cacas (poop). She got a rise out of Jenny and I so she kept saying it. Even after we informed her that it was not polite to do so. I remember telling my parents about it on a video call in English since they don't speak Spanish. I figured that Eliana Valentina was too young to understand what I was saying, or that she was not listening. 

However, she came up to me with her hands on her hips and she defiantly said to me in perfect Spanish, daddy I will never stop saying cacas (poop). It was then that I knew instantly and without a shred of a doubt that my daughter Eliana Valentina was fully bilingual and English was no longer my secret language. Luckily, she has had a much easier time learning English than I did learning Spanish. I don't think that being bilingual has harmed or slowed her development in any way. In fact, I think it has benefitted her. I know that it will benefit her going into the future. I wish more people would become bilingual. 

I will end this by saying that just as in English, every different country has their own version of Spanish. Learning Spanish in Colombia is like learning American English and learning Spanish in Spain is like learning British English. So, now I can speak both flavors of Spanish. Interesting cultural note, in Colombia everyone says me regalas (give it to me as a gift) even when they fully intend to pay for the item. However, in Spain if you say me regalas then you are literally asking to get something for free. So, that was the first thing that I had to unlearn when I moved to Spain. 

I am still learning even after speaking Spanish for 14 years. I don't consider myself fully bilingual and I expect to be learning something new about Spanish my whole life. However, after 14 years I am fairly fluent and I can get what I need. It is pretty rare that I am unable to get my point across. 

Til next time, Tyler 

Gratitude

I have mentioned this before but I thought it was worth mentioning again. I am grateful not to have a degenerate medical condition. I am very lucky that I will not continue to get progressively worse. In fact, my current situation is the opposite. I will continue to improve with time and effort.

I think of people like the famous scientist Stephen Hawking, who by the end of his life could only move one cheek muscle which was connected to a computer that spoke for him. He was lucky though, there are people who have locked in syndrome and they are unable to communicate at all. It would be pretty terrible to be trapped in your own mind and unable to communicate. 

I have both speech and mobility issues. However, I am not paralyzed thank God, nor am I mute or in a coma. I have family and friends that love and support me and I have a beautiful wife and daughter. I cannot do everything that I once did. My life is hard in many ways. I would not wish this to happen to my worst enemy. I am still reasonably independent though. 

However, I still have a lot of life left ahead of me hopefully. I am thankful for everything that has happened to me. I have learned a lot from all of it. I am blessed beyond measure everyday that I have the opportunity to wake up again.

Til next time, Tyler 

April Update

Not much new to update you on for April. However, in the gym I am up to 150 lbs on the ab machine, 25 minutes on the treadmill (5.0 incline and 1.7 speed). On the water wheel (a machine used to strengthen your arms, I am on level 17/20. On the elliptical machine I am up to 32 minutes without stopping. I can do nine laps and I can do one lap in 2:58. I have gone 2.15 miles.

All of this working out is getting me into the best shape of my life. My 71 year old father works out along side me. There is no guarantee that all of this exercise will help me but it certainly can't hurt me. My dad is getting into shape with me.

In addition to working out six days a week with my dad, I walk for an hour a day, Monday to Friday with my mom (using my walker) up at the local basketball court. I have started practicing with a traditional walker without forearm support. I am up to 30 minutes a day with the new walker. It is my goal to transition to using a cane. I don't expect to ever walk again totally unassisted. If I can't use the cane successfully, then I will use the traditional walker.

I am still looking for a job online and teaching English to some students in Spain. In the little freetime that I have, I watch TV or read. I also visit my family and friends. The girls get here in June, so I am excited about that We have a lot planned for Jenny and Eliana's visit.

That is really all for now. Til next time, Tyler 

Positivity

Many people admire my positivity in the face of all these health challenges. A common question that I get, is how do I stay so positive?

There is no magic bullet. I have been given a difficult hand to play in life. However, things could be much worse for me. I am not sure or in a coma nor do I have a degenerative medical condition.

I am blessed to know that if I put in the time and effort, that I will continue to get better. I am far from being totally independent, I do have to deal with limited mobility and speech issues but I am at the point now where I can generally do almost everything in my daily life for myself. I have come a long way in the past six years.

Every day that I get the chance to to open my eyes, I make a deliberate decision to stay positive. My only other option is to fall into another depression. I would go into a downward spiral, losing my progress and motivation. I don't want to go back to that.

I am very lucky to have supportive people in my life. Including my wife and daughter, my family, my extended family, Jenny's family and my friends. I would be doing them all a disservice if I just gave up. 

Getting back to normal life won't only be a benefit to me. It will also allow Jenny and Eliana to get back to normal life as well. They deserve it as much as I do. None of us asked for any of this, but they have both been amazing. 

I have been affected by all of this for all of my daughter's life. She doesn't know me any other way. However, I am lucky and blessed that she loves me just as I am and she doesn't treat me any differently than any other able bodied father. 

That is all for now, Tyler 

March Update

We are now March, it's time to catch up on my progress.

Monday-Friday I'm walking an hour with my mom using my walker at the local the basketball court. 

Monday to Saturday I'm going to the gym with my dad and exercising 2 hours a day. 

I'm also looking for a remote online job. I'm doing English classes for 3 online students (they're in Spain). 

I've seen family and friends in my short time.

I'm looking forward to the girls and their visit.

Really, I have only just noticed one big change so far. I can move my arms and legs so much better. Everything is coordinating so much more naturally. I'm in better shape in general. I can really notice muscle.

I have also been visiting a chiropractor to get adjusted and taking a daily creatine supplement. I don't know if any of this is helping, but it certainly is not hurting. 

Til next time, Tyler 

My Health Anniversary

I don't know exactly when I went into the hospital for the first time but I do remember that it was in March of 2020.

For those of you who don't know, I was born three months premature back in 1984. I was born with a medical condition called hydrocephalus (water on the brain). It meant that my body was unable to drain fluid off of my brain naturally.

To combat this, the doctors installed a pump on my brain that was connected to a tube that went into my stomach and released the excess brain fluid there. Everything worked like a charm. Other than the doctors having to extend my shunt tubing when I was 13, I had no other issues. 

That is, until I was 35 back in 2020. I always knew that one day my shunt could fail. It finally did fail in 2020 due to the plastic becoming too old. I never expected all of these problems but I am lucky and blessed to have the support of my family and friends and I know that things could be much worse.

Back in March of 2020, I was hospitalized in Pamplona due to my shunt failure. I had a total of six brsurgeries;ies, first they tried to repair my original shunt. They couldn't because it was too old. I ended up with facial paralysis and damage to my fourth ventricle in my brain. This was due to the increased brain pressure. Your fourth ventricle controls your speech and balance. Hence my current issues. The facial paralysis also affected my speech.

I was put on a liquid/pureed diet due to the facial paralysis. I also had to have thickener added to my liquids. I still have to have thickener to prevent the liquid from going directly to my lungs. I lost a ton of weight on that liquid diet. Luckily, now I can eat any solid food that I want. 

In 2023,the doctors in Pamplona were out of ideas. After enduring six brain surgeries I was really no better. It was then that I found out about a wonderful doctor named Dr Poca in Barcelona. I ended up getting transferred there.

I ended up having six more brain surgeries. By this point, I had two shunts. One shunt is dedicated only to controlling the fourth ventricle. The issue that I was having previously was that one shunt would work and the other would not. Dr Poca gave me two shunts that can be adjusted via magnets. Thereby, avoiding another brain surgery only to adjust the pressure. Additionally, the shunts that she put in have a technology that allows them to talk with and synchronize to each other. Avoiding the issue I was having before of one of the shunts working and the other not. In addition to all of this, Dr Poca found and removed an old piece of shunt tubing from my stomach lining which was causing me to vomit constantly and lose weight.

This has been a long, hard road to recovery which I never expected. I am forever grateful to Jenny and Eliana Valentina for always being there for me. In addition my parents, extended family and friends have all been great. 

Due to the damage to my fourth ventricle, I will never again be able to walk totally unassisted. However, being able to transition to using a cane, or worst case scenario, a traditional walker will have me over the moon.

In addition to everything else, the increased brain pressure damaged the optic nerves in my eyes. I have needed glasses or contacts my whole life. However, now due to one of my pupils in my eye being twisted and off centered due to the increased brain pressure, I can no longer drive or wear contacts. I don't miss driving though! 

The doctors injected Botox into my eye to try to straighten it. However, it only worked temporarily. Now the doctors tell me that they can do an additional surgery to straighten my pupil, but it will be only cosmetic, it won't improve my vision. So, I am thinking that I won't bother with it. Having the twisted pupil does affect my balance but over the past few years my body has learned how to deal with it. My vision is bad, but OK with glasses. My balance is slowly coming along. It is annoying having bad vision. However, I am thankful not to be blind. 

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. However, I consider myself lucky for the shape that I am in. Things could be much worse. I am lucky that I don't have a degenerative condition. With time and effort I will only continue to improve. I am currently back home in Texas until the end of August. I am walking daily with my mom up at the local basketball court, using my walker. 

Every afternoon, I go to the rehab gym in Nocona, Texas for a 2 hour workout with my dad, we alternate between leg days and arm days. Additionally, I am still practicing my speech daily with my AI apps and I am still teaching English online to 3 of my students from Spain. Once a week, I have a session online with a memory specialist back in Spain to work on my short term memory.

So I have been staying busy! This has been a long, hard journey for the last six years and counting. However, I consider myself a lucky guy. I wouldn't change anything even if I could. If you are reading this, I love you and I am thankful for your support.

I have what amounts to a traumatic brain injury. The doctors tell me that it will never fully heal. However, with time they expect the undamaged areas of my brain to take over for the damaged ones I am seeing slow, small but steady progress. I can handle having limited mobility or speech issues. However, having both makes life difficult. I would love to get to the point where I have either speech or limited mobility, not both things. Obviously, having neither of them would be ideal. 

I want to be employable again. However, due to my mobility issues, an at home job would be best currently. Due to my speech issues, having a job where I don't have to talk to anyone is ideal. So far I am not having any luck with my job search due to my requirements. 

Jenny and Eliana Valentina have both been amazing. I couldn't ask for better support. I have been affected by all of these health problems for the entirety of Eliana's life. Sadly, she doesn't know me any other way. At least Jenny got to know me before all of this happened. I want to fully be a part of Eliana 's life without having to worry about my limited mobility or speech issues. She worries about me a lot and she is always willing to help me out. However, I want her to have a normal childhood, not to worry about her dad. 

Me getting as close to a normal life as I can will allow Jenny and Eliana to return to normal life too. That means any improvement that I can make will not only benefit me, but them also. So that is basically my update and my goals. 

Til next time, Tyler 

My Exercise Routine

I figured that it was high time to put my exercise routine here in order for everyone to keep me accountable. My overall goal is not to walk totally unassisted, which is unrealistic unfortunately. However, I do want to transition to using a cane. Or worst case scenario, a traditional walker without forearm support.

To accomplish this, I am walking an hour a day with my mom (using my walker) and I am going six days a week to a local rehab gym with my dad. Below, I will post my workout schedule. 

Workout Schedule

1. Treadmill-30 minutes 

2. Water wheel-30 minutes 

3. Ab machine-100 reps

4. Stationary bike-30 minutes 

5. Rope pulley-25 reps

6. Leg press-50 reps

7. Arm and leg machine-30 minutes 

8. Elliptical machine-12 minutes 

9. Leg extension machine 25 reps

Monday 

1. Treadmill- 30 minutes

2. Water wheel -30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Arm and leg machine - 30 minutes

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total workout time - 1hr 52 minutes

Tuesday

1. Treadmill - 30 minutes

2. Water wheel - 30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Rope pulley - 25 reps

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total workout time- 1hr 32 minutes

Wednesday

1. Treadmill - 30 minutes

2. Water wheel - 30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Leg press - 50 reps

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total Workout Time- 1hr 32 minutes

Thursday

1. Treadmill - 30 minutes

2. Water wheel - 30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Leg extension machine - 50 reps

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total Workout Time- 1hr 32 minutes

Friday

1. Treadmill - 30 minutes

2. Water wheel - 30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Stationary bike 30 minutes

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total Workout Time- 1hr 52 minutes

Saturday

1. Treadmill - 30 minutes

2. Water wheel - 30 minutes

3. Ab machine - 100 reps

4. Bicep curls - 25 reps

5. Elliptical machine - 12 minutes

Total Workout Time -1hr 32 minutes

Total weekly workout time - 6 days. 9 hrs and 52 minutes weekly

In addition to all of the workouts, I am doing my speech therapy daily. I am trying to beat this facial paralysis. Because it will be easier on me to have either limited mobility or speech issues but not both of them. 

I hope all of this effort is going to help me reach my goals. I am doing this not only to benefit myself but to benefit my family as well. Now, you can keep me accountable. Even though none of this is ideal, I still consider myself a lucky guy. 

Til next time, Tyler 

In defense of anti depressants

I have talked about this various times before. However, I can't remember specifically blogging about it. I am on a mission to de stigmatize antidepressants and getting mental health help if you need it. I would write this a million times over again if I knew it would help someone who is struggling. What follows is my experience and yours may differ.

I grew depressed a few years ago when I was sick and hospitalized. I never considered ending my life thank God. However, I was absolutely numb. It got to the point where I didn't even care if I lived or died. 

Nothing brought me joy or anger or frustration or anything. I didn't care about myself or my family or friends. I had so much to live for but I had lost all of my motivation. The only reason I even opened my eyes was because it was an automatic reflex from my body. 

It was around this time my wonderful general doctor in Spain prescribed me an anti depressants. I am forever grateful to him for going the extra mile and caring about me more than he had to. He would call up to the hospital weekly to make sure that I was taking it. 

I don't agree with anyone's decision to commit suicide but I do now understand wanting to end the numbness. Being on an antidepressant (which I am no longer taking) allowed me to have normal human emotions again.

I came back to reality from the edge. I found my joy and motivation again. I was able to realize how lucky I am to have the wonderful family and friends that I do. 

I took joy in hearing my daughter laugh, talking about boring daily stuff with my wife or even getting annoyed or angry. Just remember, if you are reading this and struggling, it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, talk to a professional or get on an antidepressant. You have a lot to live for. You would be ending your pain by committing suicide but the pain would only be beginning for your loved ones and friends left behind.

Edit: I have recently done some research. I was just curious as to why some people choose to end their lives after being put on an antidepressant. The medicine is supposed to make you less suicidal not more. However, interestingly my research has shown me that depression affects your energy, drive and motivation. I can certainly relate to that feeling. 

The depressed person may want to kill themselves but they lack the motivation to actually do it. Luckily, for me I was completely numb emotionally but I never considered actually killing myself. The antidepressant first restores the person's motivation and then it gets rid of their suicidal thoughts. 

So, the most dangerous period of time for some depressed people, is that small window of time where people who are taking antidepressants, is when they are motivated enough again to actually kill themselves and they still have the desire to do so. 

If this helps even one person it will have been worth it. 

Til next time, Tyler 

February Update

Now that I have been back home for roughly a month, I figured it is time to give everyone an update. My overall goals remain the same. I want to improve my balance and overall independence, thereby giving Jenny and Eliana a shot at returning to a normal life. 

I want to transition to using a cane. Worst case scenario, I want to be able to use a traditional walker (without the forearm support). I know that it is highly unlikely that I will ever be able to walk again fully unassisted, due to the damage to my fourth ventricle. However, I will be over the moon to get to the point where I can walk using only a cane. 

To accomplish my goals, I am walking daily with my mom at the local high school basketball court, using my walker with forearm support, for an hour daily. Then, in the afternoons after lunchtime, I go with my dad up to the gym and we exercise for two hours daily. We alternate between arm and leg days. Once this is all said and done, I will get both of my parents into good shape. 

In addition to all of my exercise, I am still doing my speech therapy and I have registered with the Texas Workforce Commission, looking for a remote job that I can do from home. I am also staying busy reading and watching TV series. I am also still teaching English to three of my students from Spain, online from here in Texas. 

Jenny and Eliana Valentina will be here to visit me in mid June until mid July. We plan on seeing and doing a lot. I will be here in Texas until the end of August. In my little spare time, I am visiting family and friends and eating good Texas food. That is all for now. 

Til next time, Tyler 

I made it home

I thought I should update this and let you know that I made it home safely. This will be short and sweet. However, I will be home until the end of August. Right now, we are just trying to stay out of the ice and snow. I am looking forward to seeing Jenny and Eliana Valentina in June.

I am also happy to be home and I am available to see family and friends. I am looking forward to working hard and hopefully regaining some of my mobility and independence. 

Til next time, Tyler Horton 

My trip home

I figure that now is as good a time as any to let all of my dear readers know that I am heading back home to Texas with my dad on Tuesday the 27th.

I will be back home until August 31st. Of course I will try and visit with everyone, but the primary purpose of this visit home isn't social. It is to train hard and hopefully make progress with my mobility and speech issues. 

Now that I am 41, I am not getting any younger, nor are my parents. This may be my last chance to make meaningful progress. Due to the damage to the 4th ventricle in my brain, I am under no illusions that I will ever be able to walk again totally unassisted. 

However, it is my goal to get rid of the wheelchair and walker with forearm support. I want to transition to using only a cane. Worst case scenario, I want to move to using a traditional walker. I will be returning to Spain August 31st. The shape I return in, is realistically the shape I can expect to be in for the rest of my (hopefully) long life. I will be returning to Spain with my mom.

Jenny and Eliana Valentina are both coming to visit me in July in Texas. I hope that we can have a good time. I look forward to seeing all of you soon. My parents no longer live in Little Elm, they moved to Saint Jo Texas. However, I hope to visit my last remaining grandma and all of the family and friends that I can. 

It will be hard being away from Jenny and Eliana Valentina. However, I don't want to be a burden on anyone. Nor do I want to live my remaining life with both a speech and mobility disability. I can deal much easier with one disability instead of two. Three of my clients (students) of English will be continuing English classes online with me while I am in Texas. This will be good for my pronunciation practice and a way to stay busy. 

Jenny and Eliana Valentina both deserve a chance at a normal life and they won't get it until I do. I still consider myself lucky to be in the shape that I am in. I am not bedridden or in a coma. I still have a lot of life left to live even if it is not as easy as before. I am also grateful for the amazing support of my family and friends and Jenny's family. I couldn't do this without them.

Next time I write you it will be from Texas. Til next time, Tyler