Having Goals in Life

I thought that this was worthy of a blog post so here you go. I believe that everyone needs to have some goals in life. Everyone is different and some people overplan their lives down to the smallest detail. Other people have no goals whatsoever, living life off the cuff.

For a long time, I was firmly in the second group. I was happy but I never pushed myself beyond the bare minimum. It drove my wife crazy. She has to have a plan for everything and she always strives for more and better things. She has forced me to strive for more than the bare minimum and I think that is a good thing.

My goals now, may seem simple but they are important to me. I want to regain my balance, stability and mobility. I also want to beat this facial paralysis and improve my speech. I want to regain my independence and sense of spontaneity. I also want to be the best father, husband and friend of that I can be. I don't want to get lazy again and wallow in self pity. I don't want to be a burden to to those around me. I want to be an active participant in this life even with my disabilities. I want people to feel like I add value to their lives.

Well that about wraps up my overall goals. I have not achieved them all yet. However, I am confident that I will, sooner or later.

Til next time, Tyler 

I Should Not Be Alive

I was just thinking today about how I should not be alive. Yet, here I am. I have said this many times before but I wanted to distill it into one blog post. As many of you know, I was born three months prematurely back in 1984. I wasn't expected to make it, being born so prematurely. However, against all odds, I did make it (although not free from all health problems).

The doctors pessimistically told my parents that the best thing that I would ever achieve is to learn how to sack groceries (which I did do many years later). As of 2026, I have survived 29 operations. Hopefully, I won't need anymore. I have been left with limited mobility due to suffering a tbi because of the uncontrolled increase in brain pressure caused by the original vp shunt failure. Additionally, I have speech issues due to facial paralysis caused by the increased brain pressure.

From when my original vp shunt failed back in 2020, I was constantly in and out of the hospital until 2023. Luckily, I found my wonderful neurosurgeon Dra. Poca, in Barcelona. She got me stable health wise and I have not had a brain surgery since 2023. I am extremely fortunate to have been born when and where I was. I am extremely grateful to all of my doctors back in USA. I am equally grateful for all of my medical care here in Spain. Hopefully, I am done with the brain surgeries and I can focus on regaining my independence. I want to be able to give everyone around me (especially my wife and daughter Eliana Valentina) their independence back also. 

Everything is harder for me physically and mentally. Everything requires more time, patience and effort. Nothing is easy or automatic anymore. For as hard as things are, nothing is impossible either. Difficult? Yes. Impossible? No. That is a really good feeling. Knowing that I have broken out of my negative cycle of self pity and lack of motivation. To know that I am finally back in control of how much or how little I progress. I am not leaving my recovery up to luck or chance. I am actively pushing myself to get better, slowly but surely. 

Life is not easy. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. However, I am extremely hopeful that I will be able to regain my balance, stability and mobility via using my Pons device. I am also hopeful that I will beat my facial paralysis. For as hard as things are, I am grateful for every day that I have. My family and friends have been amazingly supportive. For as hard as things are, I am not paralyzed thank God or in a coma. I am so much better off than some other people. I don't have a degenerative condition and I will only continue to get better with time and effort. I have learned so much from all of this, I don't think that I would change anything even if I could. I am very hopeful and looking forward to seeing what the future holds for me. 

Til next time, Tyler 

Update on my Pons Training

I figured since I have had the pons device for balance, stability and mobility recovery active since August 28th. I will be actively training with the pons device, six days a week, six times a day (five active sessions and one of meditation). My training will continue until November 20th. Please see my separate blog post if you want more details about the pons device.

So far, I have noticed that I am getting much more stable when standing stationary. Additionally, I can now walk while holding onto one of the handrails that we have at home instead of using both of them like before. 

I also had a potential disaster up at the gym. I get taken to and from the gym by my driver Andrea. She then stays with me while I exercise. She doesn't help me unless I specifically ask her to. However, last week, I was trying to get on the elliptical machine. How we do it, is I position myself near the back of the machine. Then, I lean forward and Andrea guides my hand to the handle bars and I pull myth up.

Well due to a miscommunication between us, I leaned forward before Andrea was ready to receive me. So, the end result was that I was leaning forward totally unsupported. This is exactly the situation where I would have fallen down previously. However, I didn't fall down!

I am getting more hopeful by the day that this device will restore my mobility. Having limited mobility has been my biggest obstacle in my return to normal life. I miss being able to be spontaneous and just being able to walk unassisted. Such a simple thing but so important. 

I will continue doing my six daily sessions (five active and one meditation) for the 12 weeks in total. I will also continue doing one 20 minute session daily, of just pure walking, assisted only by a handrail in my hallway. Because I feel like it is extremely important to teach my brain and my body how to do something basic, that you most likely do automatically and without effort, like walking. I also plan on continuing my daily 20 minutes of deep breathing and meditation, even when I no longer have the pons device. I feel like it makes a huge positive impact on my mental state. It helps me to quiet my noisy, overstimulated brain. 

Til next time, Tyler