For a long time, I was depressed about my health situation. I was not motivated to do anything to improve myself. Because I didn't do anything to improve, I didn't see any improvement and the negative cycle continued. This was partly (though not entirely) due my natural lack of dopamine.
It wasn't until I got back home to Texas that I was able to break free from my cycle of negativity. Due to my parents forcing me to exercise (at first) but then I started wanting to exercise, once I started noticing progress. Daily exercise (except my Sunday is my day of rest and recovery) is the only thing I have found that helps me keep my brain actively connected to my body. My body actually listens correctly to my brain when it gives commands.
For the entirety of my life, I have not been very good at sticking with something. As soon as it got to be diff, I would declare it impossible for me to achieve and I would give up. I am quite sure that this was frustrating for my parents, my wife and everyone around me. It wasn't until January of this year that I was able to change a 41 year old pattern of behavior. I can totally understand the skeptical reaction of everyone around me. Having to trust that I will be able to follow through with my commitments. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of messing up. I must continue to honor all of my commitments. Because everyone around me is having faith in me that I have actually managed to change something that has been engrained in my personality for 41 years. So, if I mess up, they will no longer believe me when I say that I will commit to doing something. My previous pattern was to start off fully committed, but as soon as it got hard I would declare it impossible and I would give up.
Using my Pons (Portable neuromodulation stimulator device) Training as an example, I must exercise with the pons device active in my mouth, for twenty minutes daily, six times a day, six days a week (five active balance, stability and mobility exercises and one passive meditation session). In order to give this expensive device a chance at hopefully restoring my full mobility, I must commit to a full 12 week exercise protocol. So far, I have only had two days of non full compliance.
On the day that I was traveling back home to Pamplona Spain from Texas, I completed only four of my required six daily sessions. My only other slip up so far has been when Jenny, Eliana Valentina and I attended Jenny's cousins wedding, I missed my Saturday pons exercise due to the wedding. On the next day, Sunday, we went out with her family and we didn't get back home until 11pm. I stayed awake until midnight. I managed to get in 3/6 required pons exercise sessions. So, overall I would say that I am doing pretty well. I am proud of myself that I have managed to change something in my personality which I assumed you either had or didn't (determination). I hope that I have shown that it is a skill which you can force upon yourself, even after 41 years of not having any.
I have said it many times before, but it bears repeating. Going through all of this has not been easy for me. Nothing is easy or automatic anymore. My brain and my body do not always cooperate with me. This is not something that I would wish on my worst enemy. However, for as hard as things are for me, having both speech issues and limited mobility, I would not change anything even if I could. I have learned so much from all of this, I never would have had the chance to learn it had I never gone through all of this.
Life is hard but nothing that I want to do is impossible. It may take me longer, trying repetitively before I can do it. However, there is a big difference between being difficult and being impossible. I am so much better off than some other people despite all of my struggles. I don't have a degenerative condition. I am in the opposite position. I will only continue to get better with time and effort. I am grateful for every day that I have and for everyone around me who has never given up on me even when I gave up on myself.
Til next time, Tyler
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