A Change Within Me

I have touched on this before, but I felt that it was worth repeating. My whole life I haven't ever had long term determination. Because of all of my various health issues, when something would get hard for me, my automatic response was just to think that it was impossible for me and I would give up. I would be initially very motivated but as soon as I would hit any resistance, I would immediately declare it impossible and give up.

That is until recently though. With my exercising and my brain training, both have been extremely hard. My body and my mind have not always cooperated with me. Everything is slower and I have to do many things multiple times before I can master it. Nothing is easy or automatic for me anymore. 

However, I have recently been finding my inner determination. I no longer quit immediately when it gets hard. Everything for me takes more time and effort. The exciting thing though, is so far, every goal that I realistically set for myself, I have been able to achieve even if it takes me longer and more effort than a person without a brain injury. 

I have learned to be patient with myself both physically and mentally. There is a big difference between something being hard and something being literally impossible to do. 

My family and friends are skeptical. Based on my prior track record of giving up, they have every right to be. However, this time I can say with confidence that I am going to prove them all wrong and prove to myself that my past doesn't need to define my future. 

I like to say that I was living my life at a 5/10. It was not great, but it was bearable. Because of various external reasons out of my control, and my own mentality, once I got to a 5/10, I said this is good enough. I didn't want to face any hardship, until recently I would have quit immediately. 

However, recently I have decided that I don't want to live my life at 5/10. It will be hard to get better. I will have to continue working hard for the rest of my life. I may never get to a 10/10. However, I can say with confidence, that I am no longer interested in accepting life at a 5/10,even if it is a long, hard journey to get myself better. 

I always remember that I am working on improving myself not only for myself, but for my wife and daughter. They both deserve a chance to have a normal life and not always care for me. It would be very selfish of me to give up. I don't want to settle for just average when I can do better, not only for myself but for them. I didn't ask for any of this. However, they certainly did not either. I am lucky to be alive and have the wonderful family and friends that I have. I will not waste this second chance I have been given in life.

Til next time, Tyler