In defense of anti depressants

I have talked about this various times before. However, I can't remember specifically blogging about it. I am on a mission to de stigmatize antidepressants and getting mental health help if you need it. I would write this a million times over again if I knew it would help someone who is struggling. What follows is my experience and yours may differ.

I grew depressed a few years ago when I was sick and hospitalized. I never considered ending my life thank God. However, I was absolutely numb. It got to the point where I didn't even care if I lived or died. 

Nothing brought me joy or anger or frustration or anything. I didn't care about myself or my family or friends. I had so much to live for but I had lost all of my motivation. The only reason I even opened my eyes was because it was an automatic reflex from my body. 

It was around this time my wonderful general doctor in Spain prescribed me an anti depressants. I am forever grateful to him for going the extra mile and caring about me more than he had to. He would call up to the hospital weekly to make sure that I was taking it. 

I don't agree with anyone's decision to commit suicide but I do now understand wanting to end the numbness. Being on an antidepressant (which I am no longer taking) allowed me to have normal human emotions again.

I came back to reality from the edge. I found my joy and motivation again. I was able to realize how lucky I am to have the wonderful family and friends that I do. 

I took joy in hearing my daughter laugh, talking about boring daily stuff with my wife or even getting annoyed or angry. Just remember, if you are reading this and struggling, it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, talk to a professional or get on an antidepressant. You have a lot to live for. You would be ending your pain by committing suicide but the pain would only be beginning for your loved ones and friends left behind.

Edit: I have recently done some research. I was just curious as to why some people choose to end their lives after being put on an antidepressant. The medicine is supposed to make you less suicidal not more. However, interestingly my research has shown me that depression affects your energy, drive and motivation. I can certainly relate to that feeling. 

The depressed person may want to kill themselves but they lack the motivation to actually do it. Luckily, for me I was completely numb emotionally but I never considered actually killing myself. The antidepressant first restores the person's motivation and then it gets rid of their suicidal thoughts. 

So, the most dangerous period of time for some depressed people, is that small window of time where people who are taking antidepressants, is when they are motivated enough again to actually kill themselves and they still have the desire to do so. 

If this helps even one person it will have been worth it. 

Til next time, Tyler