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Saturday, January 25, 2025

An honest look at my future

I have been avoiding this for a while now but I can't avoid it any longer. I am not mentally retarted thank God. However, I do have unique challenges.

I am more dependent on Jenny than I would like to be. I have issues with my speech, my mobility and my brain has been through 12 brain surgeries so it has endured a lot of trauma. This means that everything comes slower for me than most people. I might make some decisions that most people wouldn't and nothing is easy or automatic for me anymore.

I tried for 4 years to find a home based job where I could do the job without talking to anyone due to my speech issues and home based because it is hard for me to get up and go. 

I still rely on my wheelchair or walker to get around. I have faced the reality that I may never again walk or talk normally. I could use my condition as an excuse to give up. To say this is the best that I will be and accept my life as is. 

I don't think that anyone would blame me. However, I am choosing not to give up. I have to keep progressing for my family. I have a long way to go to return to normal. However, in two years, I have come a long way. 

My life is not ideal. I have no job, I have speech issues and mobility issues. I also have to deal with recovering from a traumatic brain injury. 

As bad as things are, I am still a husband and a father. I have two people who love, support and depend on me. So, I am not doing this for me but for them. 

I will continue going to my physical therapy four days a week, doing my DDP Yoga exercise program, doing my extra walking and I am working on a Microsoft Office course to learn how to properly use Microsoft Office. 

Additionally, I have started recording an audio version of my written memoirs. I have also decided to start offering speaking lessons again online. I am doing it almost for free. It is more for my practice and experience than anything else. After four years of looking for something else, I am going back to the only thing that I have done in my adult life that I have ever been any good at.

My challenges and current health condition is not ideal. However, I am extremely lucky not to have a degenerative condition and as long as these shunts continue to hold out, then I should continue to progress. Hopefully, one day being able to get back to normal life sooner rather than later.

I am tired of depending so much on Jenny. I am too young to retire. I am also not rich enough not to work. Ideally, I want to start contributing financially again to my family. 

My situation is not great. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. However, I am not bedridden or completely incapable of taking care of myself. Things are not as easy and automatic as they used to be. However, my quality of life is better than some others. Things could be much worse. I am grateful for every day that I am given. 

Til next time, Tyler 

2 comments:

  1. It absolutely breaks my heart that you have to struggle so hard and so long. Please keep on working with your speech and PT. You are a blessing and an inspiration. All my love, mom

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  2. We are so very proud of you and of Jenny. We are sure that nothing is easy for either of you, but you both persevere and give others joy and hope. We are so thankful that God has allowed you to come through all these trials throughout your entire life and we have had the ability to know and love you for 40 years. Pray that you can feel our encouragement and empathy, but not any pity. We look forward to every milestone in your recovery and watching Iliana grow and become the fabulous person she will be because of her compassion and love and understanding of what most kids can’t. Stay positive. We love you and you are special to so many. Aunt Pam and Uncle Tom

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